Page 94 of A Curse of Hope and Shadows: Part I
“Stop... stop doing that.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I... I really can’t go to the ball, Adeline.”
“That’s all right, neither can I. I mean, a maid at a ball. What am I thinking?”
“You’d be less out of place there than I.”
Adeline glanced at him sharply.
“Well, at least until you started to dance.”
“Cruel boy.”
“I am hilarious and you love it.”
They passed a few more moments in easy silence, him reading, her still stitching. She hated leaving things unfinished, even if Dimitri had declared he would not be wearing them.
“Oh! I’d like to take a day off next week,” she announced, remembering suddenly that she had yet to ask. She’d mentioned it to Mrs Minton, who grudgingly agreed on the basis of the extra work she’d been taking on, despite the amount still left to do.
“What? Why?” He frowned over the pages of his book. “You’ve already used up one of your half days this month, and now you want awholeday? No. I won’t allow it.” His tone was teasing, but she knew a part of him meant it.
Adeline offered him a weak smile. “It’s Edie’s birthday.”
Dimitri’s face stiffened, realising, no doubt, what else the day marked. “Take the day,” he said. “Take two. I’m such an ass.”
“You were hardly to know.”
“I just—sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter.” She finished hemming his waistcoat, and sat the garment down on her lap, staring intently at the embroidered lilies. “We didn’t do anything, her first birthday. Didn’t even want to mention it. It didn’t matter; she wouldn’t have appreciated the celebration anyway. But one day, she’ll want to celebrate, and we won’t be allowed to be sad that day. So this year is our practise run. No tears allowed, next time. Because even though it’s sad that Mother’s gone,Edieis worth celebrating.”
Dimitri nodded. “Do… do you want me to come with you?”
Adeline startled, surprised that he’d offered such a thing, so much so that her words got muddled on her tongue. “No,” she managed eventually. “Well, yes, actually, but I think… I think it needs to be just us. Plus, if I do cry, I don’t want you to have to see that.”
“I’ve told you, I don’t mind seeing you cry, it really—”
“Evens the playing field, yes, I know.”
Dimitri snorted softly, returning to his book. “Adie?” he said after a moment.
“Yes?”
“If itistoo much, if you need someone to talk to afterwards, or even… or even just silent company, you know where to find me.”
She wanted to lift her gaze to his, but found it couldn’t untangle itself from her lap.
“Thank you,” she whispered, and blinked away the prickling in her eyes.
The day of Edie’s birthday, Dimitri walked Adeline out of the estate in a curiously cheerful mood. She suspected he was putting it on for her sake, but she appreciated the thought. Her mind was doing odd things, staring at the clock.
This is the time Mama kissed the others goodbye at the door and sent them off to school.
This is the time she went into labour.
We were still laughing, at this point, making silly comments.
I was excited to share this with her, to meet my new baby brother or sister.
She tried not to think of the words her mother called to her other children, tried not to remember the silly jokes, tried not to fixate on the fact that by the end of the day, her mother was gone, and Adeline went from sibling to parent in an instant.
