Page 120 of Mountain of Mirrors and Starlight
God, he wanted her—wanted her with an ache that priests would call a sin and yet faeries had no qualms with.
She wanted him too. He was sure of it. But then…
“I just wish I’d met you sooner. I would like more days of knowing you.”
Something about that utterance had unnerved her, and broken the spell the evening had cast. He’d watched her dodge an honest answer, spluttering around the truth.
He’d tried to shake it off, but when she disappeared… What was he supposed to think?
He took a short walk to try and clear his head, to try and imagine what was going through hers, but he failed on both accounts.
Talk to her,a voice said.She can’t lie to you. Just give her a chance to explain.
Summoning every fraction of courage he had, and mentally preparing himself for the worst of answers, he set back off towards the palace, heading for Aislinn’s room.
Her door was ajar.
He crept forward, hand outstretched for the usual polite knock…
His eyes fell towards the bed. Aislinn and Tiberius sat upon it, her head bent towards his.
Caer’s stomach plummeted. He stepped away, quietly, unnoticed. A part of him wanted to burst in and demand an explanation, but the rage didn’t come—only an awful, devastating dread, like his insides turning to metal.
His mind spun back through every interaction they’d had, every word she’d uttered in his favour. She’d told him she’d liked him, they’d almost kissed in the tunnel, and yet, yet…
Her compliments tended towards praising physical attributes, and even when they hadn’t… you could admire someone’s skills without desiring them much outside of the bedroom. Did she only want to bed him? Had he frightened her off with his words? Backed her into a corner where there was no way of uttering any falsehood to keep up the ruse?
His heart beat in his chest, like walls were closing in around him, like he was a bear being forced into an acorn. He could barely breathe.
He staggered back into his bedroom and closed the door.
This wasn’t happening. It wasn’t all some game to her. It wasn’t true.
What other explanation is there?
Why was she even here, if she didn’t care about him? There was nothing to keep her here—
But he knew how much she loved a hunt, a mission, a quest. And she had her suspicions about Aeron and the Mirror. Of course she wanted to see this through. He was just a verse in a ballad, a passing dalliance.
Honestly, why did he expect more? They couldn’tbemore, after all. He had to stay here and master his powers, and she had to go off and live her life and rule Faerie and be magnificent and triumphant—a queen for the ages. It was foolish to suspect it could be anything other than a night.
His throat tightened, and he gathered fistfuls of his hair as he sank into bed.
He would have done anything for that night.
It’s better it ends here,a voice told him.It could never have worked. A little pain now, to avoid more later on.
You’re a fool, Caer,said another, much stronger voice.You don’t deserve her. You don’t deserve happiness at all.
It was no wonder that when he finally slept, his dreams were dark and frantic, and he woke more than once calling for her in the dark.
Caerwasnotatbreakfast the following morning. Diana said he’d headed into town to get a few last minute supplies. Unwilling to put off the task any longer, Aislinn decided to head off after him.
“Don’t be long,” Minerva warned. “We want to leave in a couple of hours.”
Aislinn nodded. She was still in heat—would remain so for another two days unless copulation was successful—but Beau’s mix of potions seemed to be taking the edge off, as did the cold bath and a bit of self-care following. It had dulled it all to an irritating buzz.
The market was busy despite the hour, and she couldn’t see Caer anywhere. She did pass by a stall selling gloves, and stopped to admire them, thinking of how he’d tugged on his the night before to dance with her.
