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“That you might think that I would think it meant something else.”

“Oh?” he raised an eyebrow. “What did it mean, then?”

“I…” Elena paused. It would all change, after tonight. There was nothing to lose by telling him the truth. “I like you, Pip. I really like you.”

“But?”

“Does there have to be a but?” She sighed, lying back down in his arms. “I was afraid you wouldn’t want to do it if I told you it was my first time because you’d be held back by old-fashioned notions, or that I was trying to… Oh, I don’t know! I feel so foolish now.”

Pip kissed her brow. “You are not foolish,” he told her. “And I’m glad I know now.” He wrapped his arms around her.

“I don’t want to go.”

“I don’t want you to leave.”

Then don’t let me,she wanted to beg him.Take me home with you instead.

But if he asked her to come with him, she’d have to say no. She’d made a promise to the rebels. They couldn’t do it without her, and she didn’t see her being able to kidnap the prince and return to Pip’s side afterwards like nothing had happened. She’d be noticed, questioned, interrogated—

Unless she told him. Unless he helped her. Unless he came withher.

But that was too much of an ask, too big a risk. One that she couldn’t afford to take and wondered if she’d regret her whole life not risking anyway.

“Pip?” she whispered.

“Yes?”

“In another life, I would have spent mine happily beside you.”

Pip stared at her as if he couldn’t quite believe the words she was saying, like some great monument and sprung up between them at her whispered confession.

“I would have spent all of mine with you, too.”

“I… I don’t want to say goodbye.”

“Me neither,” he admitted, clutching her more tightly. “Me neither, me neither. Elena, I—”

But before he could finish his sentence, Elena collapsed into noisy sobs, curling herself further into his chest, as if she could press herself into him and never, ever return.I don’t have to go, I don’t have to leave, no one can make me.

Pip started to cry too, his tears dripping into her hair, his fingers clutching onto her so tightly she felt she might break.

“I want to go with you,” she said. “But I can’t, I can’t,I can’t…”

They spent their final hour together weeping.

Pip watched Elena descend down the lift, her face still stained with tears, and felt his own heart going with her like it was a physical thing being stretched to the point of breaking. His entire chest felt like it was being pulled away.

Don’t go,he thought desperately,don’t go.

A part of him had been hoping she’d see the ticket and express disappointment that it wasn’t one to Toulouse. Maybe, just maybe, if it had been anything other than sheer joy, he’d have found the courage to ask her to come with him. To tell her who he really was.

He’d tried to. He’d come so close—

But at the final moment, he’d lost his nerve, distracted by her kisses, her body… and when he had a moment to ask her again, she’d cried and said she wanted to go with him, but couldn’t.Couldn’t.

It was Navarra she needed, not him.

He could still feel it against him, the impression of her. It would not be long until that feeling faded. How long until he forgot her smile, the sound of her voice, her dark eyes and honey-soft sweetness?