Page 86 of A Slipper in the Smoke
You’ll never forget that,Pip reminded himself.Not for as long as you live.
He didn’t even have a picture of her.
He made his way back to the palace slowly, his chest still hurting, half-struggling to breathe. Pip tried to console himself with the thought that at least he’d met her, and least they’d had that night, at least he’d always know that someone in the world had loved him for simply being him.
Loved.
She’d not said the word. Not quite. How had that managed to slip away from them? It was implied, of course, whispered beneath the words, the kisses, the caresses…
She told him she would have spent her life with him. That had to mean that she did, right? And he’d returned those words, if nothing else. She had to know. Shehad to.
Nevertheless, as he made his way back to his room, Pip couldn’t shake the feeling he’d messed up quite spectacularly, that he’d lost the chance to say everything important and settled for satisfying carnal lust instead.
Sometimes, words mattered more than actions.
He slipped inside his room, discarding his boots and the borrowed uniform that he would never need to wear again. He sat down on the bed and stared at his hands with the intensity of a guilty criminal.
Somewhere in the night or morning—all time had bled together—Susan came and found him there. She took his hands in hers and held them until light filtered into the room, not speaking, not daring.
“I didn’t tell her that I loved her,” Pip whispered.
And he would never get another chance to.
As long as Elena lived, she thought that she would never forget the look in Pip’s eyes as the lift moved down, taking her from him forever. His eyes still glistened with tears, his shirt untucked beneath his hastily pulled on jacket, and his hands were wedged deep inside his pockets as if he didn’t trust them not to spring out around her and fasten her back to him.
Take me back,she begged, even as the lift lurched,don’t let me go.
In that moment, she felt like she’d give up everything to stay. Give up Navarra, give up the prince’s life, doom the city and all the mechanical kingdoms—whatever it took to be with him.
But that was not who she was, was not the person he’d come to care for. Maybe even love.
He didn’t say it. Why didn’t he say it?
Why didn’t you?
It was too late now. Too late to do anything but crawl back to her cold, hard bed, her body already forgetting the shape of his.
Somehow, fitfully, she slept. Somehow, when morning came, she ate. She made breakfast for the rest of the family. She cleaned the kitchen for the final time. She ran errands for them, plastering on a smile to keep herself together. There seemed to be an endless list of tasks in preparation for the ball, a hundred things to be done, dresses to be ironed, ribbons to be bought, shoes to be cleaned and polished. The Baroness swept from room to room, criticising the dusty shelves in the same breath she demanded that Elena made Ivanka’s hair “bigger, bolder”. It was impossible to keep up.
“I wish that you were coming with us,” sighed Mariah at one point, when she could be certain the Baroness was busy elsewhere. “Youshouldbe coming with us.”
Elena smiled. “Believe me, I shall be where I am supposed to be tonight.”
She hoped that was true. She hoped all this was part of a great plan, the reason she’d been born.
But as much as she convinced herself that that was the case, she couldn’t help but wonder why the Gods had brought her to Pip, why they had made her fall in love with him, only to part them so soon.
Faith, Elena,said a voice not unlike her parents’.Trust in it. It will turn out all right in the end.
Elena wished that instead of faith, she had the bravery of someone like Snowdrop. That sounded more useful at the moment.
She turned her attention instead to the tasks at hand, determined to focus on those and not the loudness of the ticking clock. She only had a short window to escape the apartment. Thankfully, the Baroness and the rest of the guests were due to arrive at the palace long before Princess Sofia, but that still did not leave much time between the Baroness leaving and when Elena was supposed to meet the rebels to apprehend Sofia’s train.
“There’s no way for me to get away before then,” she’d told the others. “I’m sorry.”
Snowdrop had waved her hand, insisting that the hour’s gap would be sufficient, although Buttercup recoiled at the idea of having to dress Elena up in such a haste.
“You’re brilliant, Buttercup,” Snowdrop had assured him. “You’ll manage.”
