Page 45 of The Devil and the Heiress
He groaned and rose to his feet, pacing away from her and adjusting the front of his drawers. His broad shoulders shone pale gold in the low light of the lamp, his muscles flexing under the silk of his skin. She longed to turn up the light to see him better but feared that would send him running, so she didn’t move.
“That is not what I meant,” he said. He turned to face her, running his fingers through his hair and sending the waves rioting.
She could only admire the breadth of his chest, each pectoral muscle clearly defined. Her palms itched to explore them, and she wanted to curl her fingers in the sprinkling of dark hair that narrowed over the flat plains of his belly. There was an indentation bisecting them that she ached to trace. The hair grew denser just below his navel, arrowing toward his low-slung drawers, half-opened now. She gasped when she saw it. The tip of him rose up, thick and pink, protruding over the top of the linen. The ache between her thighs increased, as if knowing he was meant to be inside her to assuage it.
He saw her take notice and kept his arms up, fingers laced behind his head, as if basking in her study of him. After a moment, he said, “I won’t ruin you.”
Blinking herself free of the mesmerizing sight of him, she forced her gaze back to his face. “Ruin me? But surely you know that I am already ruined if anyone finds out about our time together. What we do tonight won’t change that.”
“You are correct, but I will know. I might have touched you, but I didn’t take your innocence. I didn’t dirty you with my touch.”
Her body recoiled before her brain had time to understand what he meant. She flinched as if stricken, gathering up the voluminous folds of her borrowed nightgown to cover herself. “You think me dirty?”
“God, no.” He hurried toward her but stopped short of touching her.
“But you would think so if we lie together?”
“No, not at all. I am sorry. I misspoke.”
Only he hadn’t misspoke at all. He had said the words. “So then if I told you that I had lain with another man before you, you would think me dirty in that case only?” Hurt bloomed in her chest.
“I would never think that of you. There are others who might.”
“I thought you were... different. I thought you understood that a woman’s worth doesn’t depend on the state of her chastity or the number of men she’s had. You have had women before. Countless ones, if the gossips can be believed. I never once thought you dirty or unworthy.”
“Of course you didn’t. You are better than them. But there are others who would never deign to be in the same room with you if they knew you let me touch you. You might even feel yourself dirty if you knew all.”
“There are those who would not deign to be in the same room with me even now, because my last name is Crenshaw. I don’t care about those people. I only care about you, but I can see I was—”
“Bloody hell!” He turned away from her, frustration holding his body taut. “This is why I am rarely honorable. It never goes well.”
She needed to be away from him. Still smarting from the pain of his senseless words, she gathered her nightgown once more and got to her feet. She would sleep downstairs, in the kitchen if it meant she could be alone. She brushed past him, her feet bare on the cold wood floor, but he seized her, his fingers tightening on the back of her neck as he dragged her back to him.
“Forgive me?” he whispered into her hair as his arms went around her, cradling her against his chest, all the while conscious of her wounded side. His fingers massaged the back of her scalp as he placed kisses to her unmarred temple. “Please. You are precious to me, and my words were thoughtless.”
Precious to him? She hid her face against his chest, uncertain what to make of that. Joy lightened her pain, but the ache still lingered. “Then why would you say it?”
“Because I am a fool who can be careless with his words.” He touched her chin, inviting her to look up at him.After a moment, she relented. She desperately wanted him to be the man she thought he was. His eyes were warm and solemn, filling her with hope. “Please know that there could be a hundred men in your past and I would still admire you and hold you in high regard. I would still want you.”
He did still want her. She could feel that his desire had not waned. It throbbed thick and solid against her belly. Her own body responded by clenching in anticipation. “And yet you hesitate to accept what I give you freely?”
He took in a breath, pain crossing his features. “It is because I lied to you. I’ve been lying to you.” His fingertips traced over her face, skating around her stitches and near the edge of the bruise that still lingered at her right temple. “I have no right to accept what you offer.”
Reaching up to cup his cheek, she touched his lips with her thumb. He kissed it, and her heart swelled with love for him, even as her belly swirled with anxiety at what he would reveal.You might even feel yourself dirty if you knew all.“What was your lie?”
“The truth is that I offered to accompany you north because I hoped to gain your agreement to marry me. I hoped that if we spent time alone together that you would come to see me as a better choice. You would see that I would offer you a certain amount of freedom, freedom you would not find with Ware and men of his ilk.”
She shook her head, stunned that the entire time she had been falling in love with him and wondering of his feelings, he had been hoping she would marry him. Falling in love. She had never put such a fine phrase to it, but she understood now that that was what was happening. She loved him. “Why did you never ask me?”
“Because the more time I spent with you, the more I came to admire you. The more I saw you as a woman with your own hopes and dreams. I felt guilt that I had presumed to attempt to force your affection.” His voice became self-deprecating and bitter. “I cannot claim that I allowedfeelings of conscience to sway me, however. I had planned to ask for your hand on the night of the accident after we stopped for the evening.”
“You wanted to marry me?” She could not get over the fact that his thoughts had so aligned with her own.
He nodded, his thumb brushing across her cheekbone. “I am hardly any better than Ware.”
“And yet you are.”
“No. I caused this.” His gaze touched her bruise. “I am worse.”
