Page 70 of The Devil and the Heiress
“And yet you didn’t support them before?” Before them, she meant.
“I did. Only I was more selfish then.”
She was silent for a moment, her too-knowing eyes seeing far too much in his face. He glanced away and walked to the dressing room to discard his towel. The other room was his bedchamber, which rounded out the three-room suite, which meant his bed was close enough to be enticing, but it might as well have been on the other side of London. She was still standing by the sideboard when he returned.
Torn between needing her to go to spare himself the pain of hearing her ask for a divorce, and the tiny flicker of hope that dared think she might want him again, he simply watched her, knowing the next few moments could and likely would alter the course of his life.
“Christian...” She began to walk toward him, her pace slow and deliberate, and his heart pounded against his ribs as if trying to reach her on its own. Twisting her fingers in front of her, she said, “Lady Witherston has asked if I might be inclined to donate to her house for unusual birds. It seems she believes that the only way to make the public appreciate their splendid plumage is to breed them andcontinue to produce the terrible hats she wears. If I were inclined to favor her charity, would you also make an impassioned speech about it?”
“If you wish it,” he whispered, afraid to move, unable to lie, unable to breathe. If he allowed her to know the terrible power she held over him, he didn’t know if he would survive its misuse.
She stopped mere inches from him. “Why did you write the essay about women’s property rights?”
“One day I hope to make permanent and lawful the agreement we made. One day I will make certain you are given control of your settlement.”
For the first time, her expression cracked. She wasn’t cold or rigid but warm and soft. “Is it true that you sold Blythkirk and donated the proceeds to the London Home for Young Women?”
He shook his head. Clark had assured him that the donation could be made anonymously. Christian had insisted upon it. “It doesn’t matter.”
Her palm touched his bare chest between the lapels of the dressing gown. He stared at her hand, certain she could feel the thundering of his heart.
“It matters to me, Christian. That was your home. It was a place you loved, and I won’t have you selling it for me.”
“It was not my home. I thought it mattered, but it doesn’t.”You are all that matters.“It was a shell of a building. I know what real loss feels like now, and that was a mere echo.”
Tears shimmered in her eyes. “Then tell me, is it true that you still love me?”
His own eyes went blurry, making her face swim before him. He wanted to protect himself, but he couldn’t stop the words from pouring out, not if they might convince her to give them another chance. “Surely, you realize that my love for you has not been ended by your absence. You must know that I have loved you from our very first meeting, andI will continue to love you long after I cease to draw breath. If you but ask it, I will make any speech, give any donation, sell the clothing from my back to see you satisfied.”
“Christian.” She breathed the word, and it filled his soul as she fell against his chest.
Slowly, as if his own imaginings had conjured her and she might disappear with his touch, he brought his arms around her. She was real, flesh and blood and heat. He tightened his grip, a part of him still afraid that she might vanish.
“This can’t be healthy for us,” she whispered against his chest. “This all-consuming love that we feel.”
As if confirming her words, his heart seemed to stutter in his chest. “Love?” he repeated.
Lifting her head, she stared up at him. “Yes, I love you still. I tried to convince myself it was mere infatuation, but it wasn’t. It isn’t. I love you now as much as I did in Yorkshire. Perhaps more, deeper. Reading your words and knowing that you are willing to face criticism from your peers to see our agreement made legal... I know now that you really meant it when you said you didn’t care about the settlement anymore.
“And seeing you now...” She ran her palms over his shoulders and up so that her fingers could clench the hair at the back of his head. His scalp prickled at the pleasant tug. “It’s as if no time at all has passed, but also as if a lifetime has passed us by. I don’t want to go another day without you. I don’t want to wake up without you. I don’t want to wonder in every gnawing moment that I have alone what you are doing or if you miss me.”
“Yes,” he whispered, taking her mouth. She opened for him so sweetly. “I miss you constantly.” He kissed her again. “I love you constantly.” Another kiss. “Can you ever trust me again?”
“Yes, yes, of course.” Her hands slid inside his dressing gown to explore his naked chest as if she couldn’t stoptouching him. “You are a good man, and I knew that all along.”
“I’m sorry for ever making you doubt me. I’m sorry for not being more open. It’s hard for me, but that’s no excuse.”
Her dark eyes softened, shimmering gold in the gaslight as she took his face between her palms. “No, it’s not, but we can start anew. If you still want me—”
He pulled her against him again. “Jesus, Violet, of course I still want you. I never stopped. I want us and what we discovered in Yorkshire.” His kissed her jaw, craving her taste and the salt of her skin. She wore the perfume she favored, but underneath he could smell her.
“I’m perspiring.” He had only just now realized that he was likely ruining her gown. “I was training.” He tried to push her away, but she only brought his mouth to hers.
“Yes, I know. I saw. It’s why I’m rather in a hurry.”
So the look she had given him hadn’t been censure after all. She had been fighting her desire for him. It was as plain as day in her eyes. He laughed, and the beast in him slipped the reins, clawing at her clothing as he tried to find her beneath it. She made a sound of anticipation and pushed the dressing gown off his shoulders before helping him with her fastenings. Something ripped, but she didn’t seem to mind. As soon as he yanked her gown away, followed by the corset, he saw the locket he had given her lying on her chest, and it stopped him cold.
“You kept it.”
