Page 69 of The Lady Tempts an Heir
She shook her head and moved away, uncomfortable with this new direction of the conversation. “My consent was given when I saidI do. What other consent does a wife have?”
“You don’t believe that.” Pain and horror mingled on his face. “There is a difference between what is legal and what is right.”
“Of course there is, but...”
But had it been right?
If August had come to her and confessed that Evan had treated her in such a way, would she tell her that it was her duty to accept? No, never! Why had she been so willing to accept that treatment for herself? She knew immediately that it was because she had felt herself deserving of it. What right did she have to tenderness when she was such a failure? What right had her body to pleasure when it couldn’t perform the only thing it was made to do?
Arthur must have thought the same.
She didn’t realize how violently she trembled until Max’s arms came around her. “Come here,” he whispered and gathered her up into his arms. She buried her face in his neck as he sat them down in the chair he had vacated last night to hold her on his lap. No matter how she tried to keep in her tears, the incessant quaking only served to shake them out of her. It didn’t seem to matter, because Max appeared to be in no hurry. He stroked her back and pressed his lips to her hair, content to hold her as she had her cry. She didn’t even know why she was crying—this had all happened years ago—but once the tears started they wouldn’t stop until every last one of them had been wrung out of her.
Finally, she lay there against him exhausted. Hoursmight have passed for all she knew. He touched her face, the pad of his thumb tracing a lazy line along her jaw. “I still love you, Helena.”
Let me love you.
She had heard those words last night, savored them even, as she had made them into something more than he had meant. She had allowed herself to pretend they were in love. Never once had she allowed herself to believe that he really did. Affection? Yes. But love?
She sat up, dislodging his hand. “Max, please. I know that you feel some affection for me, but love is a strong word.”
“A true word.”
She shook her head. “Then that is all the more reason we should end this now before that emotion has a chance to deepen.”
“End this?” His brows drew together, and she ached at the pain in his eyes. “Why?”
“I cannot bear your children. Children that you want. Children your parents want you to have. You heard the many toasts your father has given in honor of us and the many children we shall have. He even gave you a very harsh ultimatum all in the effort to have grandchildren. The legacy of Crenshaw Iron must be preserved at any cost.” She swallowed over the lump in her throat. “That cost is me. Us.”
He was shaking his head before she had finished. “No, that’s not fair. Don’t hold my father against me.”
She covered his mouth before he could say more, and he glared at her. “I’m not. You yourself have even said that you want children. Perhaps not now, not next year, but you want children, Max. You can’t deny that having a family is something you have wanted for yourself.”
Taking hold of her wrist, he moved her hand away from his mouth. “Am I not allowed any say in this?”
“No. Perhaps. I don’t know.” Even though his arms were the only place she wanted to be, she made herself stand, and dropped his coat onto the arm of the chair. “I don’t thinkyour feelings are honest, because I am telling you that what you want is impossible. Therefore, you change what you want so you can have me.” She shook her head, aware that she was so exhausted she wasn’t even making sense anymore. Taking a deep breath, she said, “I believe that you think you want me, and right now, in this moment, you are willing to say whatever will get you to that goal. You are an honorable man, so you probably even believe yourself. But it’s a lie you’re telling yourself. You can’t so easily make yourself not want a child. Believe me, I tried for many years.”
He stood. “You’re right. I do want children—didwant children—but I want you more, Helena.”
“For now, yes, but one day you’ll feel differently. Go home, Max. Go back to your life in Manhattan and Newport and don’t think about me anymore.”
“You ask the impossible.”
“Please, go back to your life and I’ll go back to mine.”
“And what if I still want you to be my wife?”
“Then I feel sorry for both of us.” She hurried from the room before he could do more than call her name. The truth was that she knew he would not want her later. Once the gravity of her inability to have children penetrated, he would be relieved that she had let him go.
“Helena!”
She whirled to see that he had followed her and was in the corridor coming toward her. Fresh tears wet her cheeks. “Don’t come any closer.” Desperation filled her voice. If he did, she wouldn’t be able to push him away again; she knew the limits of her own strength. If they spent another night together, then her resolve might very well melt away.
He stopped abruptly, hurt and despair evident on his face.
“Please.” She turned then and ran, holding the shredded pieces of her heart together as she did.
Chapter 23
