Page 31 of The Gilded Lady
Glory rolled her eyes at the woman’s crude snicker. Then she raised her shoulder in a defensive shrug and took another sip of brandy to keep from answering right away. The truth was that some demons were easier not to face. Did she like kissing him? Of course she did, but she didn’t like the panic that had followed that kiss. She didn’t like all the strange feelings she didn’t know how to handle. The fear, the doubt, the nearly overwhelming certainty that all of that wasn’t worth the passing pleasure of kissing him when he would be leaving her life anyway.
“I…I have issues with…” It was as close as she’d ever come to admitting the truth to another living soul.
“With men,” Sally finished for her. Turns out everyone had probably already figured that out as well. “I know. But you’re missing out on something you clearly want, doll. Give it a try. See what happens. Do you trust him?”
Glory nodded without even having to think about the question. She did trust him.
Say yes to me. She could still hear his husky voice as he uttered that command. A shiver of longing worked its way through her body, and she glanced over at him again. He must have sensed her attention because he looked up from the sketch. The heat of his gaze warmed her cheeks like a tangible caress. How could he do that with only a look?
“Then you’ve got nothing to lose,” Sally whispered over her shoulder.
His eyes went back to the drawing, releasing Glory from his hold. Sally was right. She didn’t really have all that much to lose, the problem was she didn’t know if she had the courage to reach out and take what she wanted. Despite what Zane thought, she knew that she wasn’t all that brave. She’d merely been surviving, and she acknowledged that she was pretty good at that.
Living took real courage. She hadn’t been doing a whole lot of living in the years she’d been here. She’d existed. She’d made the absolute best of her lot in life, but she’d been too busy hiding and hoping to never be found to actually live. Now that she realized that, she wondered if she’d been doing it all wrong.
Was it possible to reach out and take what Zane was offering and still be whole when he left? Or better yet, maybe she’d be a little bit better for the time they spent together? Was she brave enough to try?
“Drawing’s all done.”
It wasn’t until Charlotte’s happy voice interrupted her musings that Glory realized she’d been daydreaming. Penelope and Sally were deep in conversation about a vaudeville act Gloryhad been attempting to book for the ballroom with little luck. Charlotte stood before her holding out the drawing as a child might do when seeking approval. She’d apologized all afternoon for not coming forward sooner and was doing her best to make things right. Not that there was anything to make right, as far as Glory was concerned. Charlotte hadn’t known about the letter so she’d had no reason to come forward sooner.
“Wonderful.” Glory forced a smile—it was so easy to smile without thinking about it after all her years of practice—and took the drawing. Zane had done a fabulous job capturing the man’s features. A middle-aged, white man stared back at her. His salt-and-pepper hair was thinned and combed to the side. He was clean shaven with fine features, and he looked remarkably unremarkable. He could’ve been any of a dozen men who came through the doors every night. Her heart sank. She hadn’t realized how she’d hoped something might come from the drawing. That perhaps it’d jar her memory of seeing him that night.
“I don’t recognize him,” Glory said.
All three women looked over her shoulder. Penelope gave a shrug. “Neither do I.”
“Go ring Martin and ask him to come over for a moment.”
Charlotte went off to do that, and Zane stepped forward.
“Thank you for doing this,” Glory said. “I hope it helps.”
He inclined his head. “I hope so too.”
Glory became aware of a particularly intense stare coming from the stool beside her. Sally gave her a pointed look and smiled at Zane. Rolling her eyes, Glory decided that if she was planning to pursue something with Zane, then she’d do it in her own time and with plenty of privacy. “I’m needed in the courtyard.” She declared with a smile and pushed her unfinished glass of brandy toward Penelope. “Sally, you may come find me later if you wish to continue our talk.”
The woman’s laughter followed her from the room as well as the sound of Zane’s boots. She didn’t pay attention to him though and he seemed content to linger on the periphery of the courtyard when they stepped outside. Emily and Edward were there playing with Mary, a young serving girl who cared for them a few afternoons every week when she wasn’t serving drinks and meals inside. The courtyard held a single oak tree and a couple of years ago Able had hung a swing from one of the limbs with thick rope and a sawed-off board. Edward squealed and laughed as his sister did her best to push him on the swing. She nearly fell forward with the momentum.
Glory’s heart twisted in both pleasure and pain as she watched them. They were so small and hopeful. Two little people just wanting to love and to be given love in return. She’d be able to shield them for a while yet, but determined then and there that it was time to stop waiting and to start living. She’d contact their mother and force the decision. Either she sent for them or Glory would take over their care. She’d keep them as her own.
Her heart started beating harder at the prospect of keeping them. After resigning herself to the idea of never having children, she realized now how much she wanted them. She’d have to tread carefully—no. No, she was done with being careful. Sally was right. Her life was right in front of her and she hadn’t been living it. She’d allow herself to love them even knowing that their mother might come back and swoop them up. Until then and for long after, she’d love them.
“Glory!” Finally noticing her, they called out. “Come play!”
Glory rushed over to them, not caring that she’d already dressed in her evening attire. She’d go and change if it came to it. For the next while she indulged them, playing on the swing and building castles in the small sandbox. She’d had the bags of sand brought in special for them. It wasn’t until Zane interrupted thatshe realized the shadows were longer in the courtyard. At least an hour had passed.
The twins stared up at him when he walked over, curious but not wary of the stranger in their midst. They’d probably seen him around. To her surprise, he smiled down at them and crouched. “I see you have a fine moat around your castle,” he said to Emily.
She beamed up at him. “Mine’s deeper than Edward’s.”
Edward understandably took offense to this and set about digging his out a little more with all the intensity a four-year-old could muster. He clamped his tongue between his lips and his chubby arms worked harder with the miniature shovel.
“That it is,” Zane agreed. “But Edward’s is nice and wide. I’m told that is also a very important feature when it comes to moats.”
For the next several minutes, the four of them made sure both castles were equipped with excellent moats. Satisfied with their progress, Zane retrieved two wooden boats from the bucket of toys off to the side. “I bet you’d both like a rowboat for crossing the water.”
They agreed and set about sailing their boats in the imaginary water. When they were occupied, Zane leaned over to her and said, “Hines has seen the drawing. He recognizes the man.”
