Page 42 of The Gilded Lady
Maybe I like it when you do. That’s what she wanted to say, but she didn’t, even though the butterflies that constantly swarmed her belly when he was around had started batting their wings. She opened her mouth, but found her throat too dry to speak so she had to swallow several times.
A blush stained her cheeks. He had her so turned around, and she wasn’t sure how he felt about her. He was always teasing and he’d been quick to comfort her this morning when she’d needed it, but he also seemed to keep his distance. A sound on the roof interrupted her before she could respond and make a cake of herself.
“Is that a man on the roof?” It had sounded like heavy footsteps, making her pulse race as she imagined all kinds of scenarios that involved Justin coming into her room through her window.
“That’s one of the things I wanted to talk to you about. We’ve got a man stationed on the roof twenty-four hours a day. He should be able to see anyone coming and going, and he’ll sound the alarm if he sees Dubose. I have a man on the roof of the general store down the street too. Able helped me with a drawing of Dubose, and they’ve all seen it. Obviously he’s likely to have aged since Able last saw him, but it’s the best we have. As we discussed yesterday, we have someone at the train station and a man at each entrance to the House.”
“I doubt a gunslinger hanging outside my front door will be good for business.”
“Neither will Dubose getting inside the House.”
He made a good point. “Touché.”
He grinned and tossed his last bite into his mouth. When he’d finished chewing he said, “Since we’ve closed up the boardinghouse, Able’s moving in here. It’ll be easier to keep watch if everyone is under one roof.”
The way he paused and stared at her with his brow furrowed made her think there was more. She nodded to encourage him.
“Since Clara is at the Jameson ranch, he could stay here in your suite if you prefer.” He said it as if she’d missed the obvious conclusion. “I could go back to my room.”
She didn’t want Zane to go back to his room. She very much wanted him to stay here, but only if he wanted to stay here. Why was she such a ninny when it came to him? She blinked to break his stare and regain some of her equilibrium. “Would you like to move back to your room?”
There. She’d leave the decision up to him. It would tell her if he saw something for them or if he’d rather go back to how things had been before they’d spent the night in bed, because she, inexplicably, couldn’t come straight out and ask him. Annoyed with herself, she took a drink of water.
“Do you want me to?”
She wasn’t certain if he was toying with her or if he was as anxious about their arrangement as she was. Either way, she decided it was time to get everything on the table once and for all. She wasn’t this wary a person, and she didn’t want to be that way with him. Not anymore.
“I want you to stay…” She let her voice trail off to gauge his reaction. She thought she saw a little flare of relief along with something else that she couldn’t name. That something else left her wary, but she pressed onward. It was time to confront what was between them. In for a penny, in for a pound.
“In there.” She nodded toward her bedroom, gripping her hands together in her lap so hard that she was certain her fingers had probably lost their color, but she couldn’t remove her eyes from him to check. And she couldn’t loosen her hold, not until he answered her.
He looked from her to the door and back again. His eyes had gone wide but now they narrowed at her, extinguishing any hintof his earlier teasing humor. His jaw was tight, his shoulders tense. “I don’t want to rush you, and I can’t promise a future.”
“I know. With…” She didn’t want to say Justin’s name. It had no place in this room, not right now. “With the immediate future so uncertain, maybe it’s best to live for now.” She so wanted to live instead of simply surviving.
His eyes flared and he sucked in a deep breath as his gaze went to her lips. She wet them on impulse. “Are you saying that you want more than what happened the other night?”
Her stomach tilted and whirled, and she couldn’t believe they were even having this conversation. The fact of the matter was that she didn’t know if anything more than kissing and touching was possible for her. But she’d never even been willing to try before now. A week ago she’d have thought it was impossible, but now anything felt possible with him.
Because of Zane. Because she loved the way he made her feel when he was around, whether he was kissing her or not. Though she especially loved the kissing. She’d regret it for the rest of her life if she allowed this distance to grow between them and didn’t at least reach out and try to see what could happen with them. He was special to her. In her whole life she’d never met anyone who made her feel like he made her feel and that was something.
“I’m not sure. I know that doesn’t sound fair, but the truth is I’m not really certain what I mean.” She shrugged. “Maybe we could see what happens.”
He took a minute, sitting there in his chair with his gaze roving over her face. She’d have given anything to know what he was thinking. Thankfully, she didn’t have to wait long. Her heart sped up again when he pushed back from the table and got to his feet. He slowly walked around to her and extended his hand.
“I’ve spent the past week trying and failing to keep myself away from you. I can’t do it anymore.” One corner of his lipstipped upward and heat flared in his eyes. “Let’s go see what happens.”
She couldn’t breathe as she put her hand in his. Closing his fingers around hers, he pulled her to her feet. “Before we go…there’s something I need to tell you.” She hadn’t mentioned it last night because she hadn’t been sure it would matter. Her throat went dry and she swallowed a few times. Her tongue suddenly felt like cotton in her mouth.
He brought a hand to her cheek in a move that had quickly become familiar to her. She loved when he stroked her like that. It somehow managed to say “You’re safe,” and “I accept you,” at the same time.
Her expression must have been as terrified as she felt, because he said, “Whatever it is, it won’t change tonight.”
“Promise?”
“Promise. Tell me.”
“I have a scar.” She did her best to never look at it, because it was a stark reminder of all that had been taken from her. The only reason she was bringing it up now is because he’d probably see it and she didn’t want it to ruin anything. Maybe she could hide it from him, but she wasn’t sure. It was best to tell him now. If he didn’t want to continue, then she’d rather know now than later.
