Page 11 of Capture
“We know about her,” he told me. “But what I want you to start from the beginning. Do you know who killed Mr. Kaiser?”
“No,” I replied. “And that’s the truth.”
“Did you know it was going to happen?” he questioned, narrowing his eyes as his fist found his jaw, and he rubbed the chiseled line.
“No,” I breathed, then backtracked. “Yes. I mean…they insinuated that something would happen without actually saying what it was. But they needed me to be home on that day.”
“The day Lars Kaiser was shot?” Ronan clarified.
“Yes.”
He exhaled as I watched his broad chest and shoulders hitch, then relaxed. “How did they approach you? How did they manage to communicate with you without anyone knowing?”
“I think they were watching the house because they would turn up in an unmarked car after encouraging me to climb inside after school or other times when I was isolated, then Judith would speak gently to me, and it started like that.”
“Did they try to brainwash you into believing that Mr. Kaiser was a bad man?” he interrogated.
“Well…it wasn’t too hard considering that the police would often turn up and he was arrested on numerous occasions, also imprisoned for several months, so it was an easy message to emphasize. And it was done slowly and over time, and they acted like my friends and protectors.”
“They slowly planted poison in your mind that the bad guy in the scenario was the man who adopted you, fed and clothed you, and saved you from a life of ruin?” he rationalized.
“Yes,” I replied honestly as guilt scoured my stomach. I had nothing to hide now.
“Were you shocked when Mr. Kaiser was shot?” he pressed.
“Yes. I was upset for Gunner,” I breathed as the weight of the burden lightened, replaced with numbness. “It occurred to me that this was what they had been leading up to, and I knew everything would change from that point forward. Everything fell into place as to why they wanted me to be home on thatday, and then Judith approached me and…” I exhaled as a spiral of pain circled in my stomach, “threatened all sorts of things, including arresting my mom, and that was also when I found out that I had a brother.”
His head nodded slowly as his narrowed eyes, a penetrating stare that stripped me bare. “Look, I understand you were only a kid, fifteen or sixteen, when the police started brainwashing you, but I ask again…why didn’t you go to Mr. Kaiser or Sylvie about what was going on? Or at least speak quietly to Gunner, who, as I understand, you were close to back then. More than just siblings, I suspect.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I came to believe they were my enemy, and I was living under the roof of people whom I should not trust. Bad people.”
He screwed his face up as if he wasn’t quite convinced, but a girl like me struggled to trust anyone. My mother was a drug addict who would put her addiction above her children. The coming and going of strange men, the use of needles left on the floor, and threats from the landlord to throw us out.
Then the Kaisers showed up and took me away from the mess and placed my mother in rehab, which raised a question that had always bothered me. A missing piece of the puzzle. Of all the struggling solo mothers in Larsson, and there were many, why my mom?
“How did they find out about us?” I knew he was the wrong person to ask, as he was only a child then, probably hadn’t even met the Kaisers at that point.
“Who?” he seemed confused.
“My mom. Whyherof all people? Why me, of all kids born to addicts?” I clarified. “Why did Mr. Kaiser and Sylvie choose us to save?”
“I don’t know the full story, but he discovered your mother unconscious in an Ivanov-owned club after he raided it and discovered she had a kid at home alone,” he explained.
I swallowed over a lump in my throat as a river of pain surged through my body. “She left me alone? She left a small child alone in a shitty apartment? How long for?”
“Yeah, I don’t know how long you were there for.” his tone softened as he seemed uncomfortable by me hurting. The less I knew about the way my mother treated me, the better, and hearing the samples of the reality of my situation turned my stomach and made my betrayal of the family that took me in even worse. “But, ah, apparently, Lars booted the door down and found you in soiled diapers in the bed, staring at a homemade mobile hanging from the ceiling.” He cleared his throat, looking even more uncomfortable. “Quiet as a mouse. You didn’t cry, even when strangers picked you up and took you away, you didn’t cry.” He paused for a few beats and shrugged his shoulders. “That’s what Lars, I mean, Mr. Kaiser, told me.”
Emotions pounded in my body: anger, sadness, grief, abandonment, as I struggled to hold back the tears. “She left me alone…?” I hugged my trembling body as I blinked back the tears, as I didn’t want to show vulnerability in front of a man who viewed me as his enemy.
He stepped toward me, then stepped back, showing signs that he was uncomfortable and conflicted with this moment. An intense silence fell over us as if he was struggling to know what to say next, or maybe he was waiting for me to add to his comment.
“I'd better go…” he mumbled and pointed his thumb behind him as if to indicate that he was going to wait outside as the guard on his shift.
I nodded, pleased that he was leaving because my lungs were closing in on me, and my breath caught in my throat. I slappedmy hand over my mouth to stop the sound of a sob escaping, but instead, an impending panic attack arose, claiming the air that I was desperately trying to get into my lungs as pressure weighed down on my chest.
In my peripheral vision, Ronan stalled as he was about to leave and looked back as I struggled to catch my breath. In only a couple of strides, he was there, standing over me, warm hand placed on my cheek. “Are you okay, Ri, I mean, Annika?” he said in that soothing voice.
I nodded, struggling to take in air as my throat seemed to constrict as a load of bricks weighed upon my chest. I tried to suck in breath, but the pressure on my chest made it difficult.
