Page 19 of Xerxes Ascendant
Akira felt a smile pluck at his mouth for the first time in days. “I would expect nothing less. But your fur babies haven’t gone hungry, Kyle. I’ve fed them twice a day with the same brand younormally use, and I assume your cousin informed you of such. Otherwise I imagine that not even Indira’s impressive efforts could have prevented you from rushing around here the moment you awoke.”
“She mentioned you were feeding them,” Kyle agreed slowly, narrowing his eyes with something Akira was pleased to note was a sly playfulness. “Not that it was a full bag per day. Look at the size of them!”
“One and a half scoops, morning and afternoon,” Akira duly recited, giving the words the solemnity they deserved. “With an extra treat for Chaos at breakfast and unheeded instructions for her to consume it discreetly.” He faltered when blue eyes locked onto his and flashed with surprise. “I...remembered what you do.”
He’d also remembered precisely where Kyle purchased the particular bags of food when they’d run out a week into his hospitalisation – and considering that it could only be sourced from one place, the guilt of having garnered that knowledge from his years of stalking the man had been outweighed by the relief of being able to do right by the three creatures and their daddy.
“But the staff have also taken to sharing their lunches with them,” Akira admitted, and then quickly added, “which of course I shall put an immediate stop to with threat of summary dismissal.”
“Just have Havoc sit on their lap for half an hour and they’ll soon realise their folly in enabling his appetite,” Kyle joked, and for a brief,gloriousmoment they were back to the light-hearted ease they’d always enjoyed together.
And then the other man tensed, withdrawing back into himself with a shuttered expression as if shocked he’d allowed such joviality.
“I...have work to do, Master Epsilon. You’ll excuse me?”
“Kyle, please,” Akira begged.
“Don’t.”
The word was clipped, harsh, and spoken with a finality that made him despair.
Akira shook his head, desperate to touch him and knowing he’d be spurned even harder if he tried. “Please give me a second chance,” he whispered, his tongue feeling thick and heavy around the words. Everything hurt. “I’ve been falling for you for a long time, Kyle, and I can’t…Iwon’tpretend otherwise.”
There were so many reasons why he hadn’t been honest with him, and Akira couldn’t get them straight in his head. To protect his family, to protect Kyle, to ensure that he alone had to deal with the weight of it all.
Because he knew he’d never have had a chance with Kyle as a married man...
Kyle Randall was sweet and gentle and had a kind of innocence about him when it came to trusting people. One that Akira had utterly abused by taking advantage of him.
And yet there was nothing innocent about Kyle in bed. He met every one of Akira’s fantasies and more; powerful and ascendant and able to give him exactly what he wanted. If the other man knew how rare that was...Akira had seen a lot of things. Done a lot of things. Debased himself, his clients, sank to whatever levels of depravity their desires and credits took them. It took a lot to satisfy him these days, but Kyle...
Kyle was more than just satisfaction. More than just sex.
He was an energy and a hope, agoodnessthat shone like the stars they lived by. Akira wasn’t prepared to give him up, even if the obstacle to their happily ever after was himself.
“Just tell me what you need from me,” he pleaded frantically, spreading his arms wide and baring his chest. Then he dropped to his knees. There was no guile, no holding back, not this time. “Anything at all. I’ll do it. Tell me how to make it up to you.”
Kyle clenched his jaw. “It doesn’t work like that.”
“It could!” Akira countered desperately. “You could hurt me and hit me – not in the way I like, butreallyhurt me. Make me feel it. Do whatever you need to do until it makes up for-”
“Akira!Stop it!” Kyle looked horrified.
Akira swallowed and found a painful lump lodged in his throat. More regret washed over him, this time for what he had said rather than what he hadn’t.
He was such an idiot.
Why was it that he was capable of calm control in every other situation, dangerous or otherwise, and yet with Kyle he disintegrated into a degenerate fucking mess of missteps?
“Sorry,” he said in a low, dull voice. “I didn’t mean…”
“I know.” Kyle exhaled. “Just...try to keep it professional, like we agreed? And look after yourself.”
Those last words were issued with the force of a command. Akira bit back theyes, Sirthat tugged at his tongue, and reluctantly got back to his feet. He’d prefer to be on his knees for Kyle; would happily never rise from them if that’s what it took to make it right, but that was unfair. The blonde easily separated his dominance from real life in a way Akira acutely struggled with, and besides, what right did Akira have tobuyhis way out of his mess?
It would have been so easy. Endure the pain inflicted on him – so much fucking pain that it scoured and cleansed his soul, and he’d have welcomed every second of it – and then walk away, unburdened and forgiven of his sins?
It was ludicrous. It was insulting.
