Page 23 of Xerxes Ascendant
“No,” she said flatly. “I meant burn. Don’t ever touch anything in our kitchen again, you menace.”
Bensen coughed. “I…er, I’ll get the washing up,” he offered hastily, and by the time Kyle blinked he was gone. The apartment that Indira and her husband shared had four whole rooms…and doors between them which closed properly. It was a luxurious experience; apart from the decadence of the Coterie Houses, Kyle had never stayed in such a nice place. Being banned from the kitchen still left him with more space than he’d ever had in his dingy studio apartment.
“How did it go between the two of you last night?” asked Indira.
“Kind of odd, actually. He was as much of an asshole as before, but he seemed genuinely upset about what his brother had done. I may have offered him a jo-”
“Brother? What?” His cousin shook her head. “Not Miles. Epsilon, you moron. How did you gowith Master Epsilon?”
Kyle swallowed, tracing the scratched surface of the table with his index finger. “Fine, I suppose. But I don’t know if…maybe I…stars, it was difficult, Indy.” He sighed. “Everything in me still wants him, even though I know I shouldn’t. Maybe I should leave the House and find a job back in the factories?”
Even voicing the thought made him shudder. But was it better than this horrible, awkward avoidance him and Akira would have to do for the next six years – or however long Xerxes now had left before it collided with the Earth below? Not having to himself the beautiful man he would be working alongside…unable to touch him, kiss him,holdhim?
Indira gave a long, exasperated groan that was drawn out for so long it had Kyle rolling his eyes at her.
“You still want him.”
“Iknow,Indira!” Kyle wailed, throwing his hands up into the air to express his helplessness. “I know it’s pathetic. What would you have medo?”
“You’ve wanted him for five years,” she reminded him. “And for five years you shot him hopeful looks and whinged to me about wanting him, without doing an actual fucking thing about it.”
Kyle screwed up his face. That was…true.
“You act all unbothered and untouched by life,” his cousin continued, “but when things get real, you get scared. You pull away. Face it, you were looking for an excuse to flee from him.”
“What the actual fuck?” growled Kyle. That was decidedlynottrue.“You don’t think Epsilon cheating and lying qualifies as a reason for ditching his ass?”
“I’m not saying that,” Indira retorted. “But I am saying if itwasn’tthat, you’d have found something else to drive a wedge between the two of you. Since we were kids, you’ve always pursued things and then freaked out when you actually get them.”
Kyle thought about that. Thought about how his cats could spend hours gleefully chasing a piece of string he trailed around the floor, but if they ever caught it, they quickly lost interest.
Was Akira his slightly chewed, greying piece of lint-attracting string?
“So what, I only find happiness in the chase?” Kyle asked dubiously. “Enjoy my men playing hard to get?”
And Akira Miyasakihadbeen hard to get. It had taken five years for Kyle to even learn his real name, and the same amount of time before the hardened ice around the man’s heart had thawed enough to let him in. When they’d first kissed that time in House Epsilon’s showers…Kyle’s soul had erupted with joy. He’d felt so delightfully alive and boundless andfree.
Five years. Akira had denied him – and himself – for five years. Was that his fucked-up, Epsilon-way of doing the right thing? Of holding himself back from hurting Kyle with what he held secret, only to stumble and fail at the last moment by letting himself fall in love with him as utterly and uncontrollably as Kyle had in turn?
“Clearly you weren’t listening to my brilliant insights,” drawled Indira scathingly, “if that’s what you took from what I just said.” She booped him on the nose with an outstretched finger, chuckling. “Let yourself have the dreams you fight so hard for, cousin. Don’t be afraid to catch them.”
“Right,” agreed Kyle, now certain he understood her meaning. “So I forgive Akir…Master Epsilon?”
“Hell no, Kylie,” she said, almost laughing at the idea. “You make him grovel his ass off for what he did to you. And then decide for yourself what you want, and let yourself have it. MaybeAkirais your end game, and maybe he’s not, but don’t cut off your nose to spite your face, hmm?”
Indira pushed back her chair and eyed the mostly untouched plates with trepidation. “Clean this up while we’re at work. Oh, I do so enjoy getting to boss you around again like when we were kids.”
“Can’t,” Kyle retorted cheerfully. “I’m not allowed to touch anything in the kitchen.”
She offered a sharp, cutting retort but he didn’t hear it, too busy playing out a fantasy in his head. Indira wanted him to chase his dreams?
He only had one.
…and Kyle kissed Akira and did unspeakably fun things to him and then they lived happily ever after.
But dreams were just that. They didn’t come true.
Sub-section 9(a): It is unlawful to killa human being
