Page 50 of Hero Hair
Chapter Fifteen
Teala
Because neither of us has any clue what we’re doing, there’s a lot of gray area and awkward questions. Against my better judgment I’m at Charlotte’s house and my girlfriends are all staring at me like I’m a marmoset at the zoo. Eyes squinted, like maybe I’m a figment of their imagination. Let’s be honest, they’re also in complete shock.
“One more time. No sex? You haven’t had sex with him?” Jasmine asks. She’s the one who called the emergency meeting. Jasmine shakes her head while Charlotte laughs. “It’s unbelievable. We thought for sure you’ve been screwing that man the entire time.”
“I didn’t think she was,” Carina interjects, her voice soft and soothing.
I fake mock outrage. “Thank you, Care. Someone who doesn’t think me a liar!” I am, but not about what they’re suggesting. No need correcting that minor oversight. “I’ve followed your advice implicitly. It’s the fifth date tonight and we have plans,” I explain. Normally I’d wax poetic about dicks and sex just to jar my friends and shake things up, but talking about having sex with Macs is different. The thought makes me shiver. “It’s hot in here, Charlotte,” I add. I fan myself with my hand. I’m turning a bright shade of chartreuse.
Carina lays a hand on my back. “It’s going to be okay. I know what you’re feeling right now.”
I look at her like she’s mad. She’s living with a SEAL whom she hasn’t fucked yet. I saw her boyfriend, Smith, from afar once and afar is how I want to keep him. He’s scary and beautiful, but by Carina’s accounts, he’s also the nicest man on the damn planet. I didn’t get one of those. I probably wouldn’t want one of those either. “Things have a way of working out whether you think they’re good ideas or not.”
Shaking my head, I say, “Don’t do that, Care. That thing when you’re trying to make it seem like you’re wise and all knowing, when you just know how to throw words together to make the biggest impact.”
Carina smiles and looks down at her lap. “I can’t help it.” She laughs then and I’m relieved I didn’t hurt her feelings with my jest. “It’s a good sentiment, though. Regardless of my…talents.”
Charlotte clears her throat. She bumped the thermostat down and grabbed a veggie tray from the kitchen. “It’s leftover from my leggings party last week. I wouldn’t eat the ranch, but the veggies should be good,” she explains. Charlotte works from home as a web designer, so a leggings party sounds like something she’d embrace fully and truly.
Carina crunches a carrot like a little rabbit.
Jasmine thanks her with a snide remark about cleaning out her fridge once in a blue moon, then she turns to me again to pepper me with questions. Vegas is brought up and they’ve hailed me the winner—Charlotte, begrudgingly. “There’s really no way to prove she isn’t lying. I saw the way that man looked at you, Teala,” Charlotte squalls.
Jasmine chimes in, and they get lost in a conversation about Macs’ looks. I’m not even mad because they don’t over exaggerate any one detail more than another.
My watch pings a message and I glance down.Photo from Macsis displayed on my wrist. The three words make my heart pound. I try to be casual as I bring my arm to my lap and tap the message to bring up the photo. It’s a photo of his neatly made bed. My insides turn to molten lava and Charlotte could crank the AC down to arctic level and I’d still feel hot. I click it off quickly.
The urge to tell him that photosareequipped to say more than words arises, but I squash it. It would ruin the moment and what a moment it is. My friends are dissecting my love life as they compare it to their own. Carina is lost in a text message, smiling like a lunatic, but she chimes in when they start a conversation about kissing.
“Carina knows how to kiss. She writes it like she lives it. I bet she’s super good in the sack,” Jasmine says, forcing Carina’s cheeks to turn scarlet. Jasmine isn’t just Carina’s best friend, she’s also the literary agent for her alter ego, Greenleigh. They have a relationship so intertwined that no one questions it anymore. I’d imagine the edges blur when you write about something you also live.
I pull my hair into a ponytail. The only reason I left it down is because I thought it would be more alluring, but I can’t deal with the extra heat right now. The anticipation is making me nauseous. “Enough. No more talk about my sex life or the lack thereof.”
“Here, here!” Carina injects, flipping her cell phone face down in her lap. “Can we just eat Charlotte’s leftovers and talk about shoes or something?”
“This is where you guys should give me advice about sex in relationships,” I say. “How is it different? What’s expected after? Cuddling?” Cringing, I shake my head. “Never mind, don’t tell me,” I affirm. “I’ll do what I feel is best and hope it’s not weird.”
“It’s going to be weird. Sex is messy,” Charlotte says.
She tells us a story about the first time she had sex with her last boyfriend. I’m left gaping, wishing I never had to look her in the face again. Carina is covering her mouth, eyes wide. Jasmine is laughing, and Charlotte ends the story with a smug, closed lip grin.
Standing from the couch, I tell them I’m going to be sick and rush into the bathroom, slamming the door. I hear their raucous laughter through the thick wood and smile. I pull my phone out of the pocket of my workout jacket and look at the photo Macs sent one more time. I should send him a photo—something scandalous and lewd—something that would make Charlotte’s story sound like child’s play.
There’s a soft knock on the door. “Are you okay?” Carina’s voice floats through.
I open the door and make sure my smile is in place. “I’m fine. I was joking. Charlotte is so gross sometimes. My stories are way worse anyways. It takes more than a dripping wet panty hamster to make me vomit.”
Carina laughs and then agrees.
Her smile fades. “I’m having sex with Smith soon, too. I get it. I’m already in love with him.” Her declaration sets my teeth on edge. It makes me question my feelings for Macs and ask myself what the hell is love? Carina exited a relationship prior to Smith—not that long ago either. How can she possibly know she loves him?
If there ever was a person to explain it, she’s standing in front of me. I reach behind her and shut the bathroom door with a soft click. “What is love? Explain it.”
Carina laughs. “You’re having an existential crisis, aren’t you?” Her eyebrows rise and her shoulders shake. “Do you not want to have sex with him?” It’s a stupid question, but given the circumstances it’s warranted.
“Of course I do,” I reply, letting my hands rise up and slap against my legs. “Sex is my thing. I never know those men, though. It’s just…sex,” I explain. “This is,” I say, pausing.
