Page 80 of Hero Hair
“I don’t like this,” I reply.
He quirks an eyebrow. “What? The space between us or the small talk?”
I shake my head, smiling. “You never should have come over that day. Do you know how many times I’ve gone over that scenario? If you’d stayed away for longer and I had time to heal first? What if right now was the first time you saw me again? I wish I could erase that day and the things I said. I couldn’t see past my nose.” Things happen for a reason. The reason is usually that you’ve made a choice. He made the choice to visit me, and I made a choice I had no hand in. “Did you ever get any other emails from me?”
He shakes his head, but doesn’t meet my gaze. “I didn’t. Just the one and even that was too little too late. I’m sorry,” he says.
“You were busy. It’s fine.” I wave him off. “Someone has to save the world.”
He glances behind him, over his shoulder.
I shudder. “Did you come with someone?”
I was okay when it was him assuming I’m dating Dr. Rhodes, but the notion he has a date here makes my skin crawl and my stomach roil. It’s not okay and I realize the possessiveness I feel toward him won’t go away regardless of how much time passes. The people are thinning out, so it’s easy to see who belongs with whom. There’s a tall, thin, extra blond woman standing next to one of his other friends.
I clear my throat. “I won’t hold you up anymore,” I say. “Bye, Macs,” I whisper, finally letting my eyes find his. Still his lips are pressed in a firm line. I smile at him, hoping for anything resembling his former self. When he doesn’t reply, I turn to start up the hill.
“Teala,” he calls out.
Looking over my shoulder, I raise my brows in question.
“I like your haircut,” he stutters.
I laugh. “Thanks. I like yours too.” It’s the same as it’s always been. Perfect. Not a stray hair out of place. I start walking again.
“Teala,” he says my name again.
I stop and turn, placing my hands on my hips.
“I like your ass.”
I laugh, covering my mouth with one hand. The beautiful blond woman walks up and takes Macs’ hand in her own. I try not to wince or show how much it bothers me, but he knows. He tries to disentangle himself from her.
What more can he possibly say now that his girlfriend is standing next to him? When Macs doesn’t make an attempt to introduce me, I start up the hill, my cheeks heating under her calculating stare. He calls my name again. Louder this time. I stop walking, but I don’t turn around. The words I want to say are on the tip of my tongue. Half of those are swear words and insults, so I pin my lips together with my teeth.
“We were normal,” he calls out.
Sighing, I spin on my heel. “What?”
He swallows hard. “You said our relationship would never be normal. It was normal. Because it was ours and we made it. It was formed exactly how we wanted it. We were normal for us and it was still extraordinary.”
I must look like a deer caught in headlights, because Macs doesn’t wait for me to respond.
He blusters on. “You say I remind you of everything bad, that our love was villainous, and I’m calling fucking bullshit, Teala. Love is only villainous if you make it so. Me leaving doesn’t cancel out everything else. Me leaving doesn’t lessen the depth of feelings we have for each other. Me leaving is normal. So is me coming back. To you.”
The blond woman scoffs, rolls her eyes, and stomps off in her heels that are too high for dirt.
“It was normal. We were good together. I’m sorry I didn’t call you when I left and I’m sorry for assuming all was well. I’m sorry I came by unannounced when I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry the world is fucked up and you have to live with fear. You should know this. All of this. Once and for all.” His strides are long as he approaches and he’s standing in front of me after several steps. He arrives and his scent is strewn across every square inch of my body. I have to close my eyes to block out the memories.
I don’t dare move. I should. I know Dr. Rhodes is waiting by this point. His words have glued me to the spot. Tentatively, Macs reaches for my face.
“Tell me you don’t feel this,” he says, cradling my head in his hand. “Tell me it doesn’t matter anymore. I’ll walk away and never look back. I’ll go back to pretending I was happy, when in reality I was lonely. Tell me right now that zoo life should be left to the animals and monogamy to sea horses and penguins. Tell me.” His eyes are pleading and the tone of his voice is so sincere, the pit in my stomach threatens to swallow me whole.
The fact I’ve gotten this far into this conversation without crying is a miracle. “You didn’t come back,” I whisper, tears finally threatening. “I know what I said and it’s unconscionable, but you didn’t even check in to make sure I was okay.” All of the therapy and hard conversations about my father leaving juxtaposed with Macs leaving, and this is what I couldn’t get over. The niggling factor in the equation that just didn’t line up.
I look up and meet his eyes and the tears fall. He brushes them away with his thumbs, both hands now on each side of my face.
“Of course I knew how you were doing, Teala. Of course I checked in on you.”
