Page 51 of Never Always
I light up. “Of course. I’d love that. I mean, you’d have to pay for your airfare and food because my company probably won’t foot the bill for boyfriends, but I’d adore it if you came and I will happily share my hotel room with you.”
“I’m proud of you,” he says. “And not just because I can beat you at chess,” he adds, moving his knight. “Checkmate.”
I grin wide. “Thanks, Grange. I appreciate that, you know? Also, when you brought up my most recent study to my parents and actually quoted details. Well, you know that was pretty hot. I don’t think they had any clue what you were going on about, but it made me pretty proud to have you to myself.”
“Yeah?” he asks, brows raising.
“Yeah,” I admit, nodding once.
“Enough to fuck me round three?”
“Probably.”
“Enough to stay the night?”
“Definitely.”
“Enough to move in with me?”
I lose my breath as I lay my slain king down.
“Okay, Rexy. Let’s slow down here,” I counter.
“I’m serious, Fire.”
“Serious enough to kiss me?”
His gaze darts down to the board, and then over to the photo of him and his mother. My heart sinks as I turn away from the emotion playing across his features. His monster has a smile made for war. I have to be strong enough to go up against it.
I grab his hand, and he hangs his head as he squeezes my hand. “Round three? Burning rubs.”
He laughs. “Did you go on Urban Dictionary for me?”
Sighing, I deflate. “I did. Just to get on your level.”
“God, you make me so proud.”
“And?”
“Thank you.”
He melts me. “You’re awful.”
He winks, rounding the table. I stand up, and he slides his shirt off my shoulders. “You too.”
Grange picks me up and carries me to his bedroom. When I’m sprawled on his bed, ready, he opens the drawer in his nightstand. Couldn’t be a condom.
“Are we backtracking? It feels so much better without a condom.”
“Aye. Down girl. Not yet.” His chuckle floods me with even more wetness. He lays an envelope on the bed between us. “I meant what I said. I’m really bad with expressing my feelings and I don’t want to blame the foster homes. The bouncing around. The death of my mother. Those are all valid reasons, sure, but I can’t place blame any one place without admitting flaw. This is for you. Don’t open it now. Later.” My eyes are focused on the solitary word on the front of the envelope.Fire. Written in tiny neat script. “It’s the best I can do. Right now.”
Grabbing it, I place it on the nightstand, then I take his face in my hands. Grange looks terrified, like I’ve flayed him open and he’s waiting for the death blow. Maybe that’s what love feels like for Grange. Like being so exposed, that death seems an easier option. My heart swells about five sizes, and I relieve him of his terror, and I kiss his forehead. I keep my lips pressed there for a long time, willing my love to heal his.
His hands clutch my waist, and they shake a bit. “I’ll always be here for you.”
He says two words again, and now I understand. All of it. The mess of his life, and how far we still have to go. “Thank you.”
Those words mean more than I love you.
