Page 188 of I Can't Even Think Straight
“I can if you help me,” I say
as I bat my eyelashes at my boyfriend.
“Let’s watch the video again,”
Matt says with the patience of a referee.
He smiles and pats my knee.
I feel a surge of electricity
through my body,
like when I fell from the bouldering wall
onto the crash mat.
The difference being that I fall for this Matt
dozens of times every day,
with every touch and look and word he says.
Matt’s shifting weight rocks my mattress
as he leans in
to show me the hand-wrapping video on his phone,
for what feels like the millionth time.
“Why can’t you wrap my hands forever?” I sulk.
“It was so romantic when you did it last week.
Even Kojo said so.”
“Don’t you think he’s trying
too hard to show us
he’s not homophobic?” Matt asks.
“He always has something
nice to say these days.”
“Well, he has no choice
if he wants to be one of The Boys.
Now we’re both out
and the rest of them
have made it clear where they stand:
Kojo can either be our ally
