Page 21 of I Can't Even Think Straight

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wouldn’t like that either.

And you know it

won’t be fair to the girl.”

“How’s it fair to me,” says Matt,

“for you to draw attention to us?”

Despite everything that frustrates me

about this situation,

despite the back-and-forth with Matt

about me coming out,

when Matt says “us,” I allow myself

to imagine it for a moment.

I see us as a couple, here at school.

I see us the way others see us.

“Cute together,” Jyoti said to T.

Matt continues:

“The moment you come out,

they’ll wonder about me.”

I know Matt’s emotional

blackmail isn’t okay,

but I also know he’s afraid,

and I also know he’s right.

I decide it’s best not to tell Matt

about what Jyoti said to T.

My angel and devil both agree.

We are cute together,

at school and out of school.

We would make a cute couple.

If Matt were willing to come out,

I would consider him

as a potential boyfriend.

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