Page 100 of Tapped By My Roommate
“If you just let me, I can show you, Ethan, I can—”
“Just stop.”
His words sounded harsh, and they snapped me back into the right frame of mind. What was I doing, trying to persuade him? If Ethan wanted to stop, I had to accept that.
“Sorry,” I choked.
Heat swept through me, the heat of shame. I couldn’t look at him. My stomach churned, and I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling uncomfortable in my naked skin.
“I shouldn’t have…” I swallowed hard around the lump forming in my throat before chancing a glance up at his face. It was tight with tension. “I’m sorry I pressured you. I just…I thought we wanted the same thing.”
“I don’t know if we do,” Ethan said.
The words landed like a kick to the chest. It felt as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. I nodded once, eyes burning.
“I’ll just go,” I forced out, voice thick. “I’ve got work soon, and… Yeah, I’ll go.”
Heart aching, I fled the living room.
* * *
ETHAN
I watched in shock as Rhett left, looking as if he wanted to be anywhere else. He was stripped naked, turned on, and asking me to fuck him—and I’d ruined it with a few words. But I couldn’t keep going like this, could I? Couldn’t continue to reduce my feelings for Rhett to a sexual checklist.
His door closed with a click—and that small sound set off an explosion of panic. I couldn’t let it end like this. I had to tell him what I felt, even if he didn’t feel the same. I had to make him understandwhyI needed something different. Even if he couldn’t give it to me, I had to dig deep and find the courage to ask for it, or I’d always regret it.
Taking a deep breath, I charged down the hall and rapped on the door. He didn’t respond.
“Rhett?” I called, sounding as frantic as I felt. “Rhett, you didn’t pressure me, okay? Ilikebeing with you. I like it too much. That’s the problem.”
There was a pause, then his voice filtered out. “I don’t understand. Why is that bad?”
“It’s not bad,” I said. “At least, it wouldn’t be bad if I was satisfied with it.”
Rhett’s voice was hoarse when he replied. “You’re not satisfied with me?”
“That’s not what I mean. I’m saying this all wrong.” I huffed in frustration. “Can we talk face-to-face? Please.”
“Just a minute.” He sounded resigned.
There was the sound of drawers opening and closing before he opened the door. He stood in a pair of basketball shorts and a T-shirt. I guess I couldn’t blame him for not wanting to remain naked for this discussion.
“Okay.” He cleared his throat. “Sorry for running off. I thought you might want me to leave you alone.”
I shook my head. “No. Rhett…” I tried to choose my words carefully. I’d done enough damage already. “The past few days have been all about standing up for myself. To do that, I have to really dig deep. It doesn’t always come natural to…expect more for myself. But this. You and me?” I waved a hand between us. “It’s too important. I can’t just take scraps when I want everything.”
“Everything,” he said slowly. “Meaning?”
“I want a boyfriend,” I blurted. “I know you don’t do relationships, but you’d be so good at it, Rhett. You’d be a great boyfriend, and…you’re the one I want. I like you too much to make this about my experience or keep checklists with a finish date. I can’t—I…just…I need more.”
I was breathing hard when I finished my speech. My heart hammered in my chest, and my palms were clammy. But, while I felt terror, Rhett looked relieved.
“Oh, thank god,” he said. “I want more too.”
My voice trembled. “You do?”
“Yes,” Rhett said emphatically. He grabbed my shoulders, looking into my eyes. “I felt sick to think I’d pushed you, that maybe you didn’t want to keep being with me. It’s just…I felt so—” He gave a shaky breath, then tried again. “I-I just… I felt—”
