Page 66 of Tapped By My Roommate
I started to sit, remembered I was naked, and tugged the blanket up a little further. We’d gotten lost in the heat of the moment last night. It hadn’t felt like a hookup when it was happening. It’d felt like something more. But judging by the tension in Rhett, he wasn’t happy about that.
“It’s okay,” I said. “We were both tired.”
“Yeah.”
I couldn’t read his expression. It wasn’t like Rhett to be so closed-lipped.
“Guess we got carried away,” I said tentatively.
Rhett turned the notebook toward me. “I see you’ve been checking off things as we do them,” he said in a strange tone. “Last night, we did the last two. So, I guess, unless you want to add something to the list…”
I blinked at him, a little confused by his fixation on the notebook.
He waited a beat then sighed. “I guess we’re done.”
My heart lurched. “Oh.”
“You wanted someone to explore this stuff with,” he said tentatively. “And now you have. The policy you wrote mentions the hookups should end there?”
I nodded, wordless. I wanted to scream that I wasn’t done. That there was so much more I wanted to try. But what then? We’d inevitably reach the end of any list I concocted. It would be transparent, anyhow, if I added to the list just to keep Rhett in my grasp.
We’d agreed on a set of hookups to explore my bisexuality. And it was in the rules that it would end when the list was complete—or any time either of us wanted it to, for that matter.
I had to let him go. I couldn’t protest, not when we’d only ever agreed to this. I remembered how ugly my breakup had gotten with Tess, and my heart clenched hard enough to make my chest ache.
I didn’t want that with Rhett—ever.
“Okay,” I said softly. “You’re right. I’ve pretty much figured out what I needed to know.”
“Yeah? What’s that?” he asked, eyes suddenly intent on me.
I could fall in love with you.The thought hit with the impact of a semi.I could fall in love with a man, and that man would be you.
I forced a tremulous smile. Instead of saying what was on my mind, which would no doubt send a casual player like Rhett into a panic, I forced out the words that needed to be said.
“I’m bisexual. I’m into guys. No more doubts.” I swallowed. “Thank you for helping me figure it out. I feel better now that I know.”
I didn’t tell him the other label I’d come to realize.Demisexual.I was only attracted to someone after forming a bond. It’s why I felt so strongly for Rhett when pics and porn of other guys left me cold. It’s why my relationship with Tess, especially our sex life, fizzled when our connection became too strained. I’d dated both of my girlfriends for a while before getting intimate, so I’d never really made the connection.
But it felt far too revealing to tell Rhett—especially now, when everything was ending before I was ready.
Rhett’s eyes softened, and for the briefest moment, he relaxed. “I’m glad I could help you understand that part of yourself better,” he said.
He sounded so damn sincere.
“It was fun,” he added.
And there it was.
Fun.
My chest tore open, and I wanted to sink through the bed and disappear. Every moment with Rhett had been so much more than fun for me. From the very beginning, it had been more. From the very first, surprising kiss.
Each time I put a checkmark in that notebook had felt like a victory. Not just because I’d checked off some sex act, but because I’d experienced something amazing with Rhett. Because I’d found the courage to undertake the journey at all.
Last night, I’d been glowing with happiness when I’d checked off the last two items. I hadn’t given a single thought to what it meant—that the experience was complete. To me, itwasn’tcomplete because I was eagerly anticipating more.
And now it would never be complete. Just a bit of fun that Rhett would soon forget as he moved on to other, more experienced men.
