Page 26 of Resting Beach Face
I made it two steps before his voice stopped me.
“It’s not that easy for me,” he said to my back.
“What do you mean?”
“The…kissing. Intimacy. It’s not?—”
I turned to face him, and he clammed up.
“Tell me,” I ordered. Then quickly tacked on, “Please.”
“You give out your affection so freely, Cash. To so many people. I don’t do that. I can’t be with someone who does that.” He smiled wanly. “You’d get bored with me in about two minutes, anyway.”
“What if you’re wrong?”
“I’m not wrong.” He reached for the ropes keeping his boat secured to the dock. “We’d only make each other miserable.”
I could have kept pushing, but there was no point. Declan saw me as a fuckboy who couldn’t get serious about life.
All these months flying solo, I’d proven to myself I was more than that. That Iwantedmore than that. I had thought that maybe Declan would see that, too.
But with all my concern over getting Declan to see me, I hadn’t really stopped to think about whether I saw the real him.
I thought maybe I did now—and for the first time.
A man who was vulnerable, wanting, but afraid to reach for happiness.
I rejoined my friends inside. Sawyer had taken off, no doubt eager to dive back into denial. Fisher was gone too, back to the loving arms of his boyfriend.
I could go home, but I had an empty twin bed and a house full of alcoholism and despair waiting for me. Not exactly an appealing option. Mom was off work tonight, so at least I didn’t have to worry about Katelyn.
Brooks lifted his eyebrows at me. “How’d that work out for you?”
“About as well as expected.” I slumped into a chair, defeated. “I kissed another guy in front of him. He thinks I’m a man whore.”
“He doesn’t think that,” Poppy said.
“He basically said as much. He used nicer words, of course, but that’s what he thinks. I give my affectionfreelyand he can’t be with someone who does that.”
Skylar leaned forward, looking intrigued. “Does that mean he’d want to be with you if…”
“If I wasn’t a huge slut?” I smiled deprecatingly. “Maybe.”
I could have sworn we had a connection. Despite the rejections, there was just something about the way he looked at me. Then again, maybe my ego just didn’t know when to accept defeat.
Poppy tilted her head. “He said he couldn’t be with someone like that. But is that because of you or him?”
“What do you mean?”
“Maybe it’s not about you, Cash,” Poppy said. “Think about it. If someone pursued me, I’d shut them down. It wouldn’t bebecause of their faults. It would be because I don’t…Ican’t…be with them that way.”
“You’re saying he’s ace?”
“I don’t know that he is,” Poppy said patiently. “We don’t have a secret club or anything. I’m just saying, it’s possible that Declan isn’t judging you or rejecting you. Maybe he’s just doing what’s right for him.”
I pushed out my bottom lip. “That’s even worse.”
“Why is that worse?” Skylar asked.
