Page 106 of Outcast
Gray kissed my forehead. “Climb in and get warm. I’ll grab a warm cloth to clean us up. Then we can sleep.”
I nodded, eyes already heavy.
Telling Gray was hard. I was emotionally exhausted. But now that he knew and hadn’t condemned me? Relief swept in. Maybe all this time, I’d been waiting for someone to notice my pain, to acknowledge it, and to tell me that I wasn’t a terrible human being.
It wasn’t fair to Adam for me to put down this burden. He’d lost his life. I’d never forget that. But I was so, so tired of carrying it.
I’d lived for him—for my parents and everyone who lost him—for so long, though. Would I even know how to change after all these years?
CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR
Gray
I wokewith my face buried in the pillow, in my standard starfish formation. The bed was a little small for me—and it’d been even more cramped with Emory beside me. He’d ended up draped half on top of me all night, but that was all good because I’d been able to hold him just as I’d promised.
Hugging was therapeutic. I’d learned that from my foster mom, Marianne. When Axel came to live with us, she’d pulled me aside and asked me to be patient with him when he wanted to tag along with me, to never leave him behind, and to hug him as often as I could because hugs released chemicals in the body that built trust and reduced loneliness, and Axel especially needed them after years of neglect.
I was pretty sure Emory needed them last night too.
Without Marianne, we’d all be far more fucked-up. She’d gotten us therapy, given us unconditional love, and taught us that love for each other could be our strongest medicine.
But wait. How was I starfished in the bed with Emory here? I opened my eyes, coming fully awake. Damn it. I was alone.
I couldn’t even check to see if the sheets were cool because I’d been lying across the whole dang bed. He could have snuck out at 3:00 a.m. or left ten minutes ago. I had no way to tell.
The scent of bacon and coffee filtered in, followed by the clatter of a dish and laughter. Well, now I knew what had woken me. Too bad I’d been too dead to the world to notice Emory leaving the bed. I could have tried to talk him into staying.
I threw back my blankets and grabbed my phone, checking for any messages. Nothing. Great.
I debated calling Emory. But what if he’d gone back to bed once he got home? I didn’t want to disturb him. My thoughts weren’t clear enough for a text. What would I even say:I’m cranky I didn’t get to wake up with you?Or,Why couldn’t I be the guy you leaned on?
Emory didn’t need my guilt trip to go along with the major regrets over his brother’s death. I had to give him the time and space he needed. Hell, I hadn’t earned the right to be the man who Emory counted on, not yet. Not when we were still skirting around the idea of this being more than a series of hookups.
With no better options and my stomach rumbling for that bacon, I pulled on some shorts and went down the stairs.
“You assholes better have made enough for me!” I called as I crossed the living room.
I stopped short, heart lurching when I saw Emory in my kitchen, cracking an egg into a sizzling pan before him. Bacon lay on a plate to the side, grease soaking through the paper towel beneath it.
He hadn’t left. He was…making breakfast?
Bailey stood beside him, a smirk on his face. “Sorry, bro, but Emory is cooking for me. You can go hungry.”
Emory swatted his arm. “Behave, or no chocolate chip pancakes for you.”
My gaze landed on the plate piled with fluffy pancakes with happy faces made from chocolate chips. “Seriously, Bailey? You’re a grown-ass man.”
“Holden won’t ever put the chocolate chips in,” Bailey said, “and I’ve yet to see you make anything around here. How else am I gonna get them?”
“By cooking for yourself like a big boy?” I suggested.
“Whatever,” Bailey said with a playful pout. “You’re just jealous.”
Emory chuckled. “Children, stop fighting. I really don’t mind making the pancakes.” He hesitated. “But Gray, if you’d prefer something else…”
I approached him at the stove, giving my brother the stink eye. “That’s sweet, Em, but whatever you make is good enough for me. You really didn’t have to do this.”
He shrugged. “I couldn’t sleep, so I figured, why not?”
