Page 38 of Outcast
“Deep down, he was ashamed,” Holden said. “That’s why he got so angry when anybody asked about Gray. He knew he’d done him wrong.”
Axel started laughing. It was a scary, jagged sound. “He was worried about you infecting us? Jesus Christ. If you had asked, I would have told you I liked dick too.”
“You like anything with a pulse,” Bailey muttered. “Not the same.”
Axel ignored him. His eyes were on mine, intense and manic. “Dad couldn’t make us both leave. Why didn’t youtellme, Gray? Huh? Why would you just let him fucking win?”
“Because he hated me!” I burst out. “And for all I knew, you would too! I couldn’t handle that. I couldn’t take that risk. You’d either fight for me and get torn apart by him, or you’d side with him, and I’d be torn apart. I couldn’t?—”
My voice broke. My eyes burned with unshed tears. I thought I’d dealt with all these feelings so long ago. But sitting here facing down Axel’s betrayal was like a knife to the gut all over again. I was afraid I was going to bleed out.
“Bailey,” Holden said in a strained voice. “Please.”
I didn’t know what he was asking Bailey to do until my youngest brother was up and across the room. He dropped down beside me and put his arms around me.
Hugging me.
“This is for Holden,” he murmured. “But it’s for me too, okay? I’m sorry that shit happened to you. I’m sorry we blamed you for leaving.”
I shuddered and wrestled the tears back. I wouldn’t let the old man hurt me anymore. I just needed one thing.
I met Axel’s eyes as Bailey drew back.
“Is it too late, Ax? Can you forgive me for fucking up?”
“I wish you’d told me,” he said, softly now. “Things could have been so different, if only…”
“He was a kid too,” Holden said. “He was scared and hurting. You know we’re all fucked-up because of how we grew up. Gray lost his parents, and then Dad took away his home. You know that would have done a number on any of us.”
Axel sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. The little devil Taz jumped into his lap and nuzzled his throat, offering comfort. The border collie leaned against my knee, and I had to admit, her presence was helping me stay grounded.
Maybe I was starting to understand why he took in these animals. Why he kept them closer than the rest of us.
“You knew, didn’t you?” Axel said, locking eyes on Holden. “It’s why you asked him to come back.”
“Not right away,” Holden said. “I tracked him down.”
Axel snorted. “Of course you fucking did. You’re such a control freak.”
“That’s what I said,” I muttered.
Axel laughed, but this one sounded a little more sane. “Fucking hell. You couldn’t just tell us and save all this drama?”
“It wasn’t my secret to tell,” Holden said. “But…there is something else we should talk about. I think we’ve had enough secrets.”
“What now?” Axel asked.
“It’s about the business…”
Holden filled them in on what Emory told us, along with our efforts to find a solution. Which didn’t amount to much success just yet.
“Fuck me, I need a drink,” Axel said when Holden finished summing up how screwed we were.
“Me too,” I said. “I was going to head over to the pool hall.”
“I’m in,” Holden said.
“Yeah, me too,” Bailey said. “I can’t drink yet, but I could eat.”
