Page 76 of Outcast
“Dude, it’s not healthy to bottle that shit up.”
I lifted my beer. “Maybe I liked bottled shit.”
He snorted. “Okay, man. I’m just trying to be a friend.”
I sighed, a twinge of guilt hitting me. “I know. I’m just in a weird mood because I’ve been working with these brothers.”
“Ah.” There was knowing tone to his voice. “Missing Adam?”
“I mean, it’s been so long. How can I miss him? I don’t even know what he’d be like now. How can I miss what doesn’t even exist?”
“Because you loved him, and he’s gone. That doesn’t go away just because it’s been…”
“Seventeen years,” I filled in, knowing it by heart. “He’s been dead longer than he was alive.”
I took another swallow of beer to force down the lump in my throat.
“It’s shitty, but he’s not gone.” He tapped my chest. “You carry him. Don’t forget that.”
“Yeah.”
Sometimes I wished I didn’t carry him, though, and wasn’t that just the most selfish thought ever? The least I could do was remember my brother. Remember that he’d lived once.
Remember the way he’d smiled when he’d been about to pull a prank on the neighbors. Remember his laugh when Dad snuck up and tickled him. Remember the intensity in his brown eyes when he decided to take on a dare.
A dare that got him killed. My fault…
I threw a twenty-dollar bill on the bar. “I should get home. Early meeting tomorrow.”
Marty clinked his bottle against mine. “I’m glad you came out, but next time, just tell me how you’re feeling. We can just hang out and talk instead.”
I patted his shoulder. “Thanks, man. But then how would you go chat up Sasha?”
He whipped around so fast he nearly fell off the barstool. “Where?”
“Over at the jukebox,” I said.
“Shit.” He ran his hands through his messy brown hair, smoothing it down, and then tugged at the hem of his T-shirt. Considering it was covered in an image of Hulk busting into monster form, I doubted he could make it look much more impressive, but it was cute how much he liked this woman.
“She’s probably here with Todd, anyway,” he said.
“No sign of him,” I countered. “I think she’s here with a friend. See Wendy? She’s flirting with that new dentist in town. What’s his name? Everett?”
“Oh. Yeah.”
“You’d probably be saving her from being a third wheel.”
“You think?”
“Yes.” I gave him a little push. “Go.”
He resisted. “You probably need to talk more, though. We could go grab a coffee?—”
“No way. Don’t use me as your excuse for bailing.”
“I don’t know what to say!”
“Okay, calm down.” I thought for a minute. “Just ask her for a reunion update. Say I sent you over. It’ll break the ice.”
