Page 128 of Wild Card
I scoffed. “No, he’s already gone.”
“Did he actually say that?” Gray asked. “Because it sounds like all he said was things would change if he was sheriff, and that can mean a lot of things.”
“Things will change for him,” Holden said. “It’s a lot of responsibility to take on.”
“He can handle it,” I said quickly. “He’s the best man for the job.”
“And that right there?” Gray pointed at me. “That’s what makes you the best guy for him. You love him, Axel. You support him.”
My heart leapt with fear. “No, I— I can’tlove—” I dropped my head into my hands, breath going ragged.“Fuck!”
My chest hurt. I sucked air, but nothing was getting through, and my head was spinning. I sucked in breaths, trying harder to find the air, but it eluded me.
What was going on? Was I stroking out?
“Gray,” Holden said. “Don’t just stand there!”
The dogs whimpered. Gray muttered something about them being in the way.
A tentative hand landed on my head, then slipped to my shoulder and squeezed.
“You’re okay,” Holden murmured, slipping his arms around me. “Just breathe.”
“You can’t,” I rasped.
He shook a little, and his arms tightened around me. “It’s hard, but I can do it.” He let out a shuddery breath. “So can you.”
My pulse raced, and my breath came too quickly. Was this what Holden felt every time someone touched him? No wonder he avoided it.
“Breathe with me,” he said. “In for four seconds, then out for four.”
He drew in a deep breath. I inhaled. A few beats went by. Then he exhaled. I followed his lead, breath after breath, until my heart stopped racing. My eyes were wet. Fuck, was I crying? I never cried. I’d stopped the second time I got taken away from my parents.
That’s when I’d realized that tears didn’t help anything. They didn’t make anyone care about what you wanted.
Only you could do that. You had to fight for yourself. Fight for what you wanted. What you needed.
But could I really do that this time?
I lifted my head, and Holden drew back, looking pale and drawn. His eyes were red-rimmed as if maybe he’d shed a few tears too.
Bailey and Emory watched from the edge of the room as Gray hovered beside us, too unsure to touch us—or maybe still afraid of the dang dogs. They continued whining and licking at my neck. Banshee had joined the pack when I wasn’t looking.
“I’m okay.” My voice came out hoarse. I lifted a hand to pat Sugar so she’d calm down. “Are you okay, Holden?”
He nodded. “I, uh, might hide under the blankets later, but yeah.”
Banshee pressed against his side. He wrapped an arm around her and buried his face in her fur, taking comfort.
“What just happened?” Bailey asked, sounding confused. “I mean, I saw what happened, but…”
“Axel was on the verge of a panic attack,” Holden said. “I wanted to head it off before it got worse.”
I rubbed my face. “Never felt that way before. Holy hell, Holds. It’s rough.”
“Yeah,” Holden said quietly. “We should sit down. Come on.”
I got to my feet, feeling shaky, and followed Holden to the sofa, where we both collapsed. Holden kept a good foot of space between us now. But he’d reached out when I’d needed him, and I knew that hadn’t been easy.
