Page 120 of A World Apart
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I don’t have answers, or a plan. All I know is how much I feel for him, and even that scares me, because it feels too much. I know this isn’t normal, I know that. I know I don’t fit into his world, but I also know I don’t want to not try to make this work.”
Becka hung her head, her shoulders slumped forward as she took several deep breaths.
“I get it, babes, I do. And I’m not going to try and persuade you otherwise. But this isn’t healthy. If you’re gonna be in this, you need to remember yourself and put her first. Let Jihoon worry about Jihoon. Be his girlfriend, not his groupie.”
I nodded, silence falling between us for so long I began to hear street noises drifting up from below.
“Couldn’t this have waited until after breakfast?” I quirked a smile, a peace-offering.
“No.” Becka straightened and took my bowl over to the sink, the contents now a mushy mess. “The exhibition is at noon and you weren’t paying attention to me.”
I snorted. “I’ll go have a shower then.”
Over the next week, I was more intentional with the way I interacted with GVibes. I completely stopped looking at the fan groups, turned off notifications and muted them. I made sure to be more present at work, even when it was just grunt work. Becka had been right about this, at least. I had chosen this life, this side-step to a future I hadn’t mapped out yet. I couldn’t waste it.
I still spoke to Jihoon when I could, evenings or mornings, but I now made sure to talk to him about things outside of his group activities. I tried to share more about myself, my hobbies, my opinions, even if it was only on stupid crap like what TV shows should never have been cancelled (Firefly), or what vegetable was objectively the worst (the radish).
And though I almost didn’t want to admit it, I noticed the difference. I felt… more awake, less stressed. I was able to enjoy spending time by myself again. I played my guitar more often, and though Becka complained, I could tell she was just relieved I was doing something, other than blank-facing my phone.
Which was why she looked nervous when I told her I was going to watch the interview the group did with Jimmy Fallon the following day. We were sitting in the lounge at work, eating lunch together.
“It’s cool, don’t worry,” I reassured her, “I’m actually going to watch it with Jihoon. They’re flying to New York today for the taping tomorrow. He’s going to video call me just before it airs and we’re going to watch it together. You could watch it with us.” I raised my eyebrows at her until she relented, reluctantly smiling at me.
“Someone clearly needs to chaperon you two.”
“Yay!” I threw my arms around her neck, spilling my tub of grapes over the table.
“Yeah, yeah, get off me before I squeeze you like a pimple.” She pried my arms off her, but couldn’t hide the pleased look on her face.
True to his word, Jihoon called me the next day, just after 11:30pm. The group had just gotten back to the hotel after taping the show, which was due to air any minute.
“Hang on, hang on, I’m coming!” Becka rounded the kitchen counter with a bowl of popcorn, throwing herself dramatically onto the sofa.
“Hi, idol,” she called in the direction of the phone I was setting up in a tripod so it faced the sofa.
“Um, hey, Becka.” Jihoon waved uncertainly. She’d taken to only referring to him as ‘idol’ or ‘the idol,’ or occasionally, ‘the good-looking sonofabish.’
I just rolled my eyes so that he could see, making him laugh good-naturedly.
“Oh, it’s starting!” Becka shushed us, and together, we watched the show start, Jihoon watching the TV in his hotel room.
“I want to take a moment to talk about your newest album, Tracks of Transition, because I hear it’s going to be quite a bit different from your previous projects, is that right?”
“I’ve always loved Jimmy Fallon,” Becka says through a mouthful of popcorn.
The mic gets handed to Minjae, who answers the question like the professional he is. “With our new album, we wanted to take the chance to explore the themes of adulthood and the challenges that come with being an adult. The different sound and styles we’ve used − which you’ll be hearing soon − are a reflection of that.”
“Such a good answer,” I murmured in approval.
After all the serious questions, they moved onto a quick-fire round.
“Okay, let’s do a quick round! I’ll say a word, and you give me the first thing that comes to mind. Ready?”
The guys all nodded, or gave thumbs up signs.
“Okay, Success.”
Woojin slapped the buzzer first, crying out, “Daesangs!” Which made the others in the group laugh, leaving Jimmy to explain to the audience that a Daesang was like a Grammy.
