Page 59 of When Worlds Collide
“Care about my ‘trauma’,” he made a face. “It doesn’t concern you.”
“Doesn’t conc– Jihoon, of course it concerns me.” I took a step forward – just one, but he held a hand up, halting me.
“I don’t want you to.” His face had a cold expression I hadn’t seen before. It made him seem almost unfamiliar to me.
“Why wouldn’t you want me to care about something like that?”
“Because this is my life!” His almost-shout made me flinch, and I took a half-step back before I even intended to.
But then, I pulled up my big-girl pants and reclaimed that step.
“It’s my life too.”
“What?”
“Did I stutter? This is my life too,” I jabbed a finger in his direction. “I told you this last night. You don’t get to make decisions about us without involving me. This–” I gestured between our two bodies, “only works if both of us are working together.”
His brow furrowed, and he opened his mouth a couple times before I guessed he finally settled on what he wanted to say. His words were calmer now.
“Why would you expect to make decisions about my therapy?”
I dropped my arms to my sides. “I don’t. I’m not. I’m not telling you how to figure your shit out, I’m telling you that you need to, because you’re making decisions about us – about me – based on that.”
“I’m not–”
“You are,” I insisted, but softer now, seeing the look of resignation on his face.
“You are, Joon. You’ve been treated like shit from the press, and the public, and because of that, you’re letting it colour how you think the rest of your life could look like.”
I took a breath before continuing, “I’m not, and I’ve never said ‘lets go public’, because honestly, I don’t even know if I want that, but you don’t get to take it off the table for the both of us. What if someone leaked something about us tomorrow, what would you do? Deny it all? Say it’s fake? You can’t hide me forever. And… and I won’t allow it.” I raised my chin.
“So, you do want to go public.” His eyes narrowed on me.
“No,” I said emphatically. “But I am saying I will not be your dirty, little secret until it’s no longer convenient for you.”
“You think this is ‘convenient’ for me?” His lips curled around the word.
I raised my hands to run through my hair, but stopped upon discovering it was too tangled to drag my fingers though. “I don’t know what this is, because you don’t talk about it!”
He said something in Korean again, twisting away from me to slam open the wardrobe door, shoving hangers roughly aside.
“I don’t speak Korean!” I said loudly, enunciating, and being kind of an asshole, I’d admit.
Jihoon spun back around, eyes gleaming brightly as he said, “I said, it would have been more ‘convenient’ if I had found a nice, local girl instead.”
Silence.
I was too stunned to react. I couldn’t speak. I could only watch as the man I’d crossed oceans for growled and turned back around, yanking clothes off their hangers.
I left the room when he began to get dressed, and I’d just gotten started pouring hot water in my coffee mug when he left the bedroom, dressed in baggy sweats and a hoodie. The cap and hood obstructed so much of his face that I couldn’t see his expression. I stared after him, watching as he pulled on shoes and shoved his phone and wallet into his pockets, but he didn’tlook up, not once, and when the front door slammed closed behind him, it echoed through the apartment, much like his words were echoing in my head.
It wasn’t the words themselves that hurt so much, although they did. It was that he’d thought to use them against me.
It was early enough that I could have called Becka, but she was still at work. Much as I longed to hash this out with my best friend, I didn’t want to interrupt her at work just to bitch about my boyfriend – whom she was already wary of, anyway.
I thought about taking myself out, going for a walk or something. But the more I thought about venturing out into the cold, wet streets, the more I realised I wanted to be somewhere that was at least slightly familiar.
So, wanting comfort, and to talk about it – without actually talking about it – I pulled out my laptop and settled on the sofa.
