Page 63 of Nothing to This
She and Baxter were on such different tracks about the relationship.How had that happened?They both had fun, they’d admitted that, but it had never gone beyond that.Not for her.She didn’t need emotional validation from a man and had been happy to have her recreational ones taken care of by him.
Until JD showed up in their lives full time, Baxter had never pushed her about meeting the twins.Had she led him on?Been blind to his true feelings?The truth was, she wasn’t interested in marriage with him.Baxter had potential.She was sure he’d want to get married and have kids, but she couldn’t be that woman.Did she even want more kids?Probably not.The twins gave her so much.She needed nothing else, anyone else, to satisfy her maternal needs.
She couldn’t be what Baxter deserved, and she’d thought he’d known it too.
How had their wires gotten so crossed?
Sliding beneath her covers, she reached for the light switch by the bed.She didn’t quite get there before someone knocked on the bedroom door.
The kids wouldn’t knock.
Sinking back onto her elbows, she checked the covers were over her chest because her nightgown was kind of sheer.
“Yeah?”she called.
The door opened a few inches.
JD slid into the gap.“Crying yourself to sleep?”
She smiled.“Wouldn’t want to miss an opportunity to take advantage of me if I was vulnerable, would you?”
“Exactly,” he said.“They’d revoke my guy card.”They shared a smile.“Seriously, babe, you okay?”
“He wasn’t my great love, JD.It’s sad, sure, but I have kids, and a job, and a home to keep me occupied.”
“And an intrusive ex barging in to take over your life.”
“That too.”
“Okay, I just wanted to check in.”
“JD,” she said as he began to slip out.He waited for her to say something else.“Are you my ex?”
Shifting a little, he straightened, bringing himself a few inches deeper into the room, resting on the doorframe with the door still in front of him.
“What else would I be?”
Shrugging, she sat up, folding her legs beneath the covers.Her hands rested in the basket they formed.
“I don’t know.Brenna called you that too and I… I don’t know, it doesn’t sound right.”
His chin rose, facilitating his peering.“What would you rather I be?”
“I don’t know, I… to me ‘ex’ says relationship and, well…”
“We never had one of those,” he said.“You’re right about that.”
“It’s weird and I don’t know why… maybe it’s because of the kids.I don’t like throwing the term around like we were something that we weren’t… I hate the idea they might think we gave up on each other.”
Sliding his hands into his pockets, he slouched a little.“When we didn’t have a chance to see how it would work.”
“Right,” she said, pushing back against the pillows.“One day they’re going to ask us what happened… What are we going to say?That it was just sex?That we couldn’t keep our hands off each other?I know when they’re adults they might understand, but… Is it okay to tell them they weren’t enough for us to give it a try, to see if we’d be able to tolerate each other?”
Baxter’s proposal, such as it was, had been so insulting she couldn’t even think about it.He’d only tossed it out there to progress their relationship to a place that would manipulate JD’s declaration about the kids.
She and JD had never even tried to make progress beyond that first night.
Pregnancy wasn’t a reason to invent love, or feign that it was there, and love, as far as she was concerned, was the only reason for any couple to get married.But how did they know what was between them?How could they ever have known?
