Page 76 of Britta & the Beach Boy
I picture myself at sixteen in my little high school, thinking I was tough playing hockey with the boys and studying hard so I could go to college because it was my only way out of Paradise. Dex, though, was traveling the world, sometimes by himself,working at a restaurant when he was home to earn enough money to get to the next event. The next wave.
“Chasing waves isn’t just a saying. It’s how pro-surfers live,” he finishes with a small yawn.
“I never thought about that. How did you go to school?”
“I didn’t,” Dex huffs. “In theory, I was home-schooled, but the only proper teachers I had were experience and the ocean.”
“Really? You didn’t have to do schoolwork?” I push myself up to meet his eyes.
“Dad did it for me until it got too hard for him.”
Talking about waves and what he’d learned from traveling, Dex sounded confident and proud. Now I can barely hear him. His words are drowned out by the shame in his voice that’s easily recognizable. I’ve heard the same in my voice.
I lower my head back to the crook of his shoulder before sliding my hand across his chest. I hold him just enough that hopefully he feels safe.
“What do you mean, ‘he did it for you?’” I ask slowly.
Dex runs his hand over my entire arm until it comes to rest on my shoulder. “How many rules are we breaking right now?”
I scoff. “We’ll worry about rules tomorrow. Don’t change the subject.”
I hold my breath, hoping he keeps talking, but also hoping we both forget the rules tomorrow.
After a sigh, Dex says, “Dad did the work I was supposed to do and submitted it as if I’d done it. He thought it was more important for me to be on the waves than readingLord of the Flies.”
“Honestly, Dex. He wasn’t wrong about that. I hated that book.”
His laugh rumbles over me. “At least you understand what people are talking about when they say, ‘it’sLord of the Fliesin there.’”
“Unless you’ve seen pre-teen boys kill each other, they’re exaggerating.”
“I havenotseen that.”
“BecauseLord of the Fliesis a stupid, depressing book, and William Golding had a stupid, depressing view of humanity.” No one should feel bad about not reading that book, especially someone like Dex who’s a good guy.
“Good to know.”
“Seriously, Dex, you’ve done really well for not going to school much.” I may be too comfortable right now, because it feels totally natural when I curl in closer to him, my leg over his, wishing there wasn’t a blanket between us.
He presses his palm into my skin and slides his hand down my arm, then back up. “I’ve done well at the one thing I know how to do, because it’s the only thing I’ll ever be able to do without an education. Surfing is all I’ve got going for me.”
I disagree, but that’s not what I say.
“So, do you regret giving up everything else to do it?”
He shakes his head. “Nope. It's like you taking care of your mum. The only thing I’d change is what it did to my relationship with my dad. But if I changed that, I wouldn’t be where I am.”
Dex rearranges the pillow behind his head, then pulls me closer. “Take your mum. If she hadn’t gotten sick—which no one could have changed—you wouldn’t be the Britta you are today either. You wouldn’t be risking everything to start a totally new life. You wouldn’t even know how much you wanted this new life, yeah?”
Something brushes the top of my head. Maybe his cheek. Maybe his lips. I hope it’s his lips.
“Not to minimize what you’ve been through and all the sacrifice it took to get through it,” Dex’s voice grows softer, more serious. “But from where I stand, the results are pretty awesome and with so much happening, it’s not the least bit surprisingthat you didn’t think about your mum. I didn’t think about mine either, and she’s still around. I haven’t even told them.”
In the quiet that follows, Dex’s heart beats steady under my cheek, and I try not to think of him as my husband. If I let my mind go there, my lips will follow. And if I kiss him, the rest of my body will want to follow, too. We’re married, after all. It would be easier to get lost in each other’s bodies than to sit with the hard things we’re unloading on each other.
But I can’t leave Dex carrying my baggage without helping shoulder his.
“What did going pro do to your relationship with your dad?” I ask quietly.
