Page 10 of A Good Heart is Hard to Find
1) I want one.
2) I’m fit and healthy.
3) I’m financiallysolvent. (Just.)
4) I work from home. (Except for the singing telegrams.)
5) I want one.
6) I want one.
7) Max has gone to America for a year, making me question my conscience (and my fidelity).
8) I don’t have time to wait.
9) I’m no longer one hundred per cent sure I want Max back anyway. Out of sight, out of thrall.
10) I want one.
1) Max doesn’t, and healwaystakes precautions.
2) Evenif he agreed, according to that book Orla gave me I probably wouldn’t get pregnant now anyway, but, if I did, would have a high risk of miscarriage, orsomething wrong with the baby, or medical risk to myself.
3) Max adamant unless we can marry, and Rosemary seems to be going from strength to strength.
4) If I had a baby by someone else, I’d lose Max and be completely on my own.
5) Don’t knowany other possible man except Jason, and his offspring is no advert.
Conclusion:
I still want one.
Biologically it was now (if I was very lucky) or never. I was still in working order, but for how much longer?
I ought to give Max an ultimatum, but this was not easy when we weren’t currently sharing the same continent, and not only might it be too late when he got back, but I had alwaysbeen putty in his hands.
I was sure he was too stubborn to change his mind, and I couldn’t wish for Rosemary to die (not that she showed any sign of doing so) because it would make me feel even guiltier than I already did.
So if I wanted to try for a baby I would have to find another father for it and forfeit Max for ever, only after so many years with Max I was unversed in the art of findinganother man.
