Page 39 of A Good Heart is Hard to Find
‘We’re such a terrific contrast to each other that we should put a lonely hearts ad in a magazinetogether.That way, one man out of every two we pull might be halfway decent.’
‘No thanks, I’m not doing anything hasty until I’ve seen Max after the funeral.’
Anythingelsehasty, that is.
‘Funeral? Which funeral?’she said, baffled. ‘Who’s died?’
‘Oh Orla! Haven’t I told you? I’ve had so much to think about that …’ I stopped. ‘But I’msureI told Jason, so why didn’t he pass it on?’
‘I haven’t seen Jason, he’s off at some country house auction.Whatfuneral?’ she repeated patiently.
‘Rosemary’s. She had an accident a few days ago and died. Max is coming back for the funeral next week.’
‘My God! Doesthis mean you can get married at last? Do you stillwantto marry him?’
Trust Orla to ask the million-dollar question!
‘I don’t know any more, and I don’t know how he feels after all these months apart. He didn’t even phone me to tell me the news, Orla! I found out from my sister, Jane, first.’
‘That is pretty bad,’ she conceded, ‘though I suppose he had a lot to do?’
‘I expect so, but hewouldn’t let me go out there to help. He’s supposed to be coming to visit me after the funeral, and then we will see. I’m just so confused about everything rightnow,’ I confessed. ‘And by then too, I’ll have performed the last fertility rite.’
‘You won’t do anything rash, will you?’ she asked anxiously.
Too late! I thought; but according to the charts, the wrong man had been combined with thewrong time of month, fortunately.
‘Seeing Max after so long you might get carried away,’ she suggested.
‘Max is the one who is always careful about taking precautions: he’s got condomania. He’s never got so carried away that he forgot,’ I said bitterly.
‘Right. Anyway, even if thereareonly one or two eggs rolling around in the bottom of the basket, you still don’t want to do it at your age.It’s too risky. Get a lover and a dog.’
‘I’ve got a lover – I think. But I’ll consider the dog. It mighthaveto be a dog.’
‘Much less trouble. By the way,’ she added with seeming casualness, ‘have you decided about the Wonder Woman thing yet?’
‘Give it up,’ I advised her wearily. ‘There is no way I’m going anywhere in that outfit.’
‘I could do with some new ones. My Tarzan’s getting a bitlong in the tooth for a leopardskin.’
‘He could be a Geriatric Tarzanogram. Wrap some fake vine leaves round his zimmer frame, and it would go down a treat with elderly ladies.’
I was joking but she was quite taken with it. ‘That’s a great idea! And I could advertise for a new young Tarzan, couldn’t I? Do you want to sit in on the interviews?’
‘If I ever get off this phone and finish the book,’I said. ‘Goodnight, Orla!’
But by then I was definitely jaded, and so went to bed instead.
