Page 58 of A Good Heart is Hard to Find
‘Yes, so madly in love with you she was jealous. It made me feelbesmirchedwhen I understood that she wasn’t complaisant about our affair at all–andwhen she said you’d continued to have a physical relationship! Was that true, Max?’
His hazel eyes met mine with hurt innocence: ‘Of course not, darling! How can you even ask? These are all just lies, meant to divide us – and they seem to be succeeding.’
‘All lies?’
‘I should have told you to burn the letter unopened,’ he said, sighing. ‘Put it out of your head, and you’ll see: when Icome back in the summer we can forget the past and think about our future together.’
‘And what? Get married?’ I demanded. ‘I know about the will, too.’
He shifted uncomfortably and this time didn’t meet my eyes. ‘If you really want to, of course we will: but we’re quite happy the way we are, aren’t we? You’re used to your independence, and you’d probably prefer having separate households – thoughof course I’d like you to move nearer, so we can see much more of each other.’
I looked at him searchingly, but he still wasn’t quite meeting my gaze. ‘Max, this is my home, and I’d never sell it even if weweregetting married. But we’re not, are we? You’d rather have Rosemary’s money than marry me.’
‘Of course I’d marry you if we weren’t so happy with our current arrangement! But why losethe money when there’s no need? Be sensible, Cassy!’
‘Well, thanks for making your priorities plain to me, Max!’ I snapped, and the last faint urge to confess about my lapse with Dante evaporated into the air and was gone for ever. In fact, I was starting to feel more inclined to boast about it.
He patted the sofa and smiled in the way that had beguiled and brainwashed me only too often in thepast, so sure that he could still manipulate me into seeing things from his own unique viewpoint.
Welcome to Planet Max: please orbit as instructed.
‘You look lovely when you’re angry,’ he said tritely. ‘It’s strange how I’d forgotten just how beautiful you are. Why don’t you come over here next to me, instead of pacing up and down?’
That certain light was in his eyes again. Seeing me aftera long absence seemed to rate my excitement factor higher than golf unless he’d simply been on the Viagra? You can buy it in every sweet shop over there, I expect.
I did sit down, though keeping a distance between us. ‘Max, do you still love me?’ I asked curiously.
‘Of course I do, darling.’
‘Then how could you swan off to America for a year without a second thought, with only a few measlyphone calls to remind me of your existence?’
‘Because it was too good a chance to miss, and I’ve been very busy. But soon we will be together again for good, and then I’ll make it up to you.’
‘Or together as much as we ever were, if you’ve no intention of marrying me?’
‘Of course I’ll marry you if you really want it, Cassy! But do you? Think about it. It would be stupid to—’
‘—whistle Rosemary’sfortune down the wind for love? Like I whistled my morals and principles down the wind when I became your mistress?’
‘People live together all the time these days, it’s not unusual.’
‘No, it isn’t. But what about children? You said we should wait until we got married, but you never wanted any, did you? Or was Rosemary telling the truth about striking a bargain with you on that one, too?’
Heshifted uneasily. ‘Was it wrong of me to want you all to myself?’
‘But what about me? I’d still like to try for a baby before it’s too late – if it isn’t already, because I’ve been doing a test that shows you if you’re still fertile, and I’ve had one hit and two misses, so it’s not looking good.’
He smiled like I’d said something amusing: ‘I wouldn’t worry about that too much, there’s plentyof time to think about it when I get back in the summer.’
‘Max, I’m forty-four. I’m running out of time.’
His hazel eyes widened in surprise. ‘Forty-four? Are you really? I suppose youmustbe, but you look so much younger than your age I forget. Everyone in California thinksI’mmuch younger than I am, too,’ he added complacently.
They must all have been liars. He did still look head-turninglygood (apart from the beard), but he didn’t look younger than he was.
‘Look, Cassy, let’s talk about all this when I get back. Can’t we just enjoy being together now? You know how much I’ve missed you, and we can sort all this out,’ he said in his very best warm-honey voice.
He moved up closer and took my hand – and I purposely let my mind go blank, and opened the door to his.
