Page 23 of Finding Home
I send her a quick text so she has my number and say, “Just let me know,” before turning and heading back to my truck with Lila. As I get into the truck, my phone dings with a text from Chloe confirming she’ll be by tonight.
When we get home and I’m unbuckling Lila, she asks, “Daddy, why did you give Miss M a key?”
“We’re gonna have a chat when we get inside,” I say.
She gives me an adorable look of confusion. “Why?”
I grab her backpack and toss it over my shoulder as she climbs out and I close the door.
“Because Daddy has some things to tell you.”
“Why can’t you tell me now?”
Little kids and their questions.
“Because Daddy wants to talk to you inside.” I can see her nextquestion hovering on the tip of her tongue, but she doesn’t ask it and we head inside.
I tell Lila to grab a snack and head to the couch so we can talk. She immediately runs and grabs fruit snacks and takes a seat, handing them to me to open for her as I settle beside her.
“Peanut, you know how Daddy said we were moving here because of Grandma?”
She nods.
“We moved because Grandma’s sick. She’s going to have surgery and get medicine and that means she won’t be able to pick you up after school.”
“Is Grandma okay?” she asks, abandoning her fruit snack beside her.
I find myself starting to choke up. Talking about this with Grandma was one thing, she’s had more time to wrap her head around her diagnoses and is old enough to understand it all. With Lila, having to break it all down in a way she’ll understand, it’s different. It’s forcing me to sit with it more, to really think about what it means.
I take a deep breath and shake my head. “Grandma’s okay right now, but she’s really sick. Not sick like when you get a runny nose or an upset tummy. Grandma’s sick on the inside. You can’t see it. The doctors are going to do everything they can to make her better, but that means she’s not going to feel well for a while. Miss M is going to stay with us for a while and take care of you when Daddy has to work.”
Lila stares at her feet as she contemplates what I’ve just told her. When she looks at me, her eyes are wet and I see the effort she’s using to not cry. “Can I help Grandma?” she asks.
That simple question has my composure crumbling. My eyes wet, and I slump. My amazing, sweet little girl wants to help make her Grandma healthy, and there’s nothing she can do. No matter if the doctors say that they caught it early, you never know what will happen. People die during the most routine surgeries. I’m not ready to lose her, and I know Lila isn’t either.
I wrap my arm around my daughter and pull her into my side asI settle back on the couch. I run my hand through her hair, and she snuggles into me.
“No, Peanut, there’s nothing you can do. Grandma loves spending time with you, though, so you keep doing that and show her you love her every day.”
She sniffles, and I feel as her tears slowly wet the side of my shirt. I tip my head back, willing my own tears to stay in place. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly as I give Lila a squeeze. We sit in silence for a while, with her cuddled into my side, when we hear a knock at the door. Lila sits up and looks at me. I quickly wipe at a stray tear that managed to fight its way past my defences and head to the front door, pulling it open to find Chloe on the other side.
She offers me an awkward smile, but as her eyes meet mine, it falls. “Are you okay?” she rushes out.
I nod and pull the door open wider for her to come in. Lila’s still sitting on the couch when we head into the living room. Chloe’s hand reaches out and catches my forearm, and as much as now is not the time, a spark hits me right where her skin touches mine.
She looks at the spot where we’re connected for a few seconds before shaking her head and meeting my eyes. “Are you sure you want to do this today? I can come back tomorrow.”
I shake my head. “You’re here, let’s do it.”
She bites her lip and nods.
I lead her into the kitchen. “You can help yourself to whatever food is in the kitchen. The pots and pans are in there.” I point to a cabinet beside the stove. “Plates, glasses and bowls are there.” I point to another one. “If you need help finding anything, just ask, and Liles is a pretty good help, too.”
We leave the kitchen, and I lead her into the hallway and to the only bedroom on the bottom floor. The room is pretty sparse, just a bed, a nightstand, and dresser. It was going to be a guest room, but now she can decorate it however she wants.
“This is your room. Lila and I are both upstairs, I thought this might give you a little more privacy.”
Chloe steps into the room and spins as she takes it all in.
