Page 69 of Finding Home
“For you,” he says matter-of-factly, and there’s no fighting the heat that fills my cheeks. He leans in and pecks my lips before grabbing our plates and heading to the sink.
“You doing okay?” I ask.
He braces himself against the counter and dips his head. Tension radiates off him, and I hate that there’s nothing I can do for him. I walk up to him and gently rub my hands over his back. I do what I can to lend him my strength.
“I’m not sure,” he finally admits, and his shoulders droop slightly. “I don’t know. There’s so much going on and as happy as some things are making me…” He looks at me over his shoulder and smiles. “There’s other things that scare the shit out of me and have me feeling like there’s a weight sitting on my chest.”
I push past my shock at how much Everett is opening up to me with little prompting and say, “You’ve got this. You’ve had so much thrown at you, it’s all bound to feel overwhelming, but I’m here for you. Just let me know how I can help.”
He turns and wraps his arms around me, pulling me in close to his chest, and presses his lips to the top of my head.
“Being here,” he whispers against my hair, and I know what he means. I tighten my hold on him just as Lila bolts into the kitchen.
“Ready,” she declares and does a spin, showing off her dress and leggings.
I clap my hands together. “Well, let’s get to school, then.”
She heads to the front door, and I rise on my tiptoes, dusting a kiss over Everett’s lips before I follow her. Everett is hot on my heels, helping make sure Lila has everything before kissing her goodbye and watching us head to the car and pull out of the driveway.
THIRTY-EIGHT
EVERETT
Arriving at the hospital, I check in with reception to make sure Grandma is still in the same room as yesterday before I make my way down the hall. When I get to the room, there’s a doctor and a couple nurses moving around checking things in a hurried fashion that has me on edge.
No one notices me when I step inside. They continue to move around, checking her chart and undoing bandages, checking her wounds, and collecting stats. One of the nurses finally notices me and offers a smile, but something behind it tells me I’m not in for some good news.
Not one to beat around the bush, I ask, “What’s wrong?”
The nurse stands straight and schools her features. “Mr. Lawson, your grandmother seems to potentially have an infection around her incision sight. We’re not going to be able to discharge her today. She’s going to need constant monitoring and IV antibiotics until it’s gone. With her age, we don’t want to take any risks.”
Her words hit me like wrecking ball. I thought everything was going fine and I’d be taking her home today, listening to her give me shit as I wait on her hand and foot, not letting her do anything but rest. Instead, she’s being hooked up to more tubes and stuck in the hospital.
When the nurses and doctor leave, Grandma tries to convince me she’s fine. I spend the day with her, letting her talk to me aboutChristmas plans, and when she’s done and the silence fills the room I find myself saying, “Lila told us yesterday she wants Chloe to date me.”
Grandma doesn’t look one bit surprised by this. When I stare her down, she just stares back. I sigh and drop my shoulders, too drained to hold out any more.
“I told her we’re dating, and she broke down. She ended up in Chloe’s arms until she fell asleep.” I run a hand through my hair, bracing myself on my thighs as I stare at a random spot on the other side of the room. “I’ve known for a while I can’t give Lila everything all by myself, but it hit me last night.” I take a deep breath, trying to hold back my emotions, but everything is bubbling to the surface and Grandma was always that place I could turn and be honest growing up. It’s like I’m back to being a kid and spilling my guts to her when I’ve let it all build and build, never saying anything.
“I don’t want to fail Lila. She’s my world. She’s everything, and the thought that I’ve failed her and not given her everything she needs and deserves kills me.”
Grandma reaches for my hand, and I take hers. She holds mine firmly, full of reassurance, and squeezes. “You are doing everything right by that little girl. You can’t take on the weight of other people’s decisions, that includes Renee’s. You only have control over your own and how you respond to those of others. You have provided a safe place for your little girl, physically and emotionally. If you didn’t, she wouldn’t tell you half the things she does. You made the decision to bring Chloe into your lives. You made the choice to allow a woman as kind and strong as her into Lila’s life. You decided to have someone as good as Chloe around Lila, that is you doing everything you can to give her what she needs.”
I finally look at her, and she pats the top of my hand.
“I’m proud of the man you’ve become, Everett, and I know with every fibre of my being that your grandfather is proud of you and looking down on you and Lila so grateful the two of you have each other and that you’ve let Chloe in.”
Her words have a tear running down my cheek, and I swipe at it, fighting the rest of them. I force myself to sit taller, hoping it will fill me with some forced confidence andstrength.
“Why don’t I wrangle us some cards and we can play something?” I ask.
She nods, and I push out of the chair and head to the gift shop downstairs. I use the time to gather myself. Grandma’s words really hit me. The mere mention of her and Grandpa being proud of me was everything I needed.
When I return to her room, I help her sit up more and deal out the cards for a game of rummy. We play until the nurse comes with Grandma’s dinner tray and she kicks me out to go home and have dinner with my girls.
I walk in the front door and find Lila and Chloe in the kitchen together. They’re making homemade individual pizzas. Chloe is sprinkling bacon bits on hers while Lila is arranging her pepperoni into a smiley face.
“Hi, Daddy,” Lila says when she spots me but doesn’t make a move to abandon her task.
