Page 25 of Harmony Island Gazette
Kevin frowned as he sat back in his chair but kept his arm draped on the back of mine. I could feel him staring at me. Like he was trying to figure me out. I just kept my gaze focused on the table, channeling my anxiety into adjusting the silverware.
“What do you want?” He leaned forward and I could feel his anger start to build. “Is it a baby? Is that what you want?”
I swallowed, the sound of that word on his lips made my stomach churn. “No. That’s not what I want.” I gathered all of my strength and turned to face him. “I don’t think bringing a baby into this will fix anything. Especially if that’s not what you want.” I held his gaze.
He didn’t speak right away. It was as if he were searching my eyes for an answer. “Well, I want one.” He plopped back against his chair. “There. I said it. I want a baby.”
My whole body froze. My ears were ringing, and my brain was having a hard time catching up. “What?” I whispered. My voice sounded far away and muffled. As if I were underwater.
Kevin took a sip of his wine. “I’ve just been thinking about it, and maybe I was too hasty in the past. I know back then I didn’t want kids, but I’m getting older. It sounds nice.” He shrugged as he set his glass down on the table. “I thought you would be happy about that.”
I swallowed, unsure of what to think or say. Him wanting a baby was a huge step. It was something that I never thought I would hear him say. “I am happy,” I said.
He glanced up at me and smiled. “So you want to have a family with me?”
That wasn’t what I was saying, but I knew that he wouldn’t take too kindly to rejection. So I just smiled for a moment, then my smile faltered. Was he saying he wanted kids as a ploy to get me back? If he was going to be in this child’s life, I wanted him to reallywantthe baby.
“Kevin…”
His eyebrows went up, and I could see his jaw muscles clench. I needed to be careful with what I was about to say.
“I think we should try to get some help first before we discuss bringing a baby into this world.” There, that was diplomatic. It wasn’t taking him back, but it wasn’t forcing him away. If he wanted to be a father, I didn’t want to be the kind of mother that stood in his way.
He reached forward and enveloped my hand with his. He leaned forward, his expression softening as he stared at me. “I love you, Juniper. I’ve missed you so much. You know I would never intentionally hurt you, right? You’re the woman I’m supposed to be with.” He brought his other hand over and slipped his fingers under my chin. He tilted my face so I was forced to look at him.
“Say you forgive me,” he whispered as he held my gaze.
I knew buried somewhere inside of him was the man that I fell in love with. The man who would never hurt me. The man who would stay up late at night, laughing and joking with me. The man I would make love to until we were both sweaty and breathless.
I wanted to believe that that man still existed. If not for me and our marriage, then for our child. And I knew the moment I rejected him, that man would disappear forever.
So I said the three words that I didn’t really believe but that I knew would preserve our relationship for a few more weeks. The three words that would give me time to digest what he said tonight. The three words that should only be spoken if they are truly meant. They felt like a bitter lie on my tongue.
“I forgive you.”
10
BOONE
I threw my blanket off my body as I stared up at the dark ceiling above me. I’d been attempting to sleep for the last two hours without any luck. Now, I was very aware that it was eleven o’clock at night and Juniper was still not home.
Dammit.
I scrubbed my face with my hands, hoping to remove the image of her standing in that godforsaken dress in the kitchen with her hair framing her face and her pink, plump lips accenting her pale skin.
It had taken all of my strength not to hurry across the yard, pick her up, slam her car door, and bring her back to the house. I didn’t like that she was going out with Kevin. I didn’t like that I wasn’t there, making sure she was protected. And I didn’t like that despite her desire to be strong, I could still see the fear in the back of her gaze. The fear that I saw so many times in my mother.
The fear that had my muscles so tight they felt like springboards confined only by skin.
Unable to lie on the couch anymore, failing to convince myself that all I had to do was close my eyes and sleep would come, I sat up and shifted so that my feet were solidly on the floor. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees as I dropped my head down. I closed my eyes and allowed the tightness in my neck to relax.
I needed to get out of here. This wasn’t good for me. There was something about Juniper that was pulling me in, and I was becoming powerless to stop it. She was so goddamn beautiful and fragile. The way she stared up at me, begging me to protect her…it was feeding a part of my soul that ached to protect something so innocent.
She was good. I was not. I’d deluded myself into thinking that if I protected her, that would somehow redeem me. That all I needed to make myself right with my past was to be her knight in shining armor.
At least, that was how it started. Now, I could feel a shift inside of me, and it was a shift that I wasn’t happy with. I was rapidly becoming aware that my reaction to Juniper wasn’t only about protecting her. It was becoming personal.
I liked her. And I was beginning to like her a little too much.
