Page 11 of Honey Bee Library
I pushed off the wall and stood in front of the vanity. I was going to shove all my thoughts and worries about Abigail from my mind and focus on getting ready. After I applied my makeup, I plugged in my blow-dryer and unwrapped my hair.
After it was dry, I settled on styling it in soft curls that framed my face. When I was satisfied with my appearance, I opened the bathroom door and headed into the hallway, turning the light off and shutting the door behind me as I went.
Abigail and Samuel weren’t in the kitchen anymore. I headed into his room to find her standing at the changing table, putting on a fresh diaper. Wanting to be useful, I hurried over to his closet to pick out an outfit.
“No worries, I already grabbed these overalls with a white onesie,” she said as she leaned forward and blew raspberries on Samuel’s exposed tummy.
I had just removed a football jumper from the closet, but her words stopped me. I stared at the outfit before I slowly hung it back up on the rod.
“Oh,” I said as I turned to see her smiling down at Samuel as she pulled the onesie over his head.
The desire to say something washed over me once more. I needed her to step back and let me do the mothering. I needed her to trust that I could take care of Samuel. She said she did, but when push came to shove, her actions betrayed her words.
There were times I allowed myself to wonder if Abigail was just stuck. I was working hard to find myself and create a life for Samuel and me, but Abigail? She wasn’t interested in her future. Nothing seemed to excite her anymore.
I thought that her engagement would be the distraction she needed, but she was more interested in ignoring it than in doing any real wedding planning. Bash was in New York more than he was in Harmony. He was dealing with the fallout of the Proctors and with something about his sister-in-law, Emery. I wasn’t sure of the exact details because Abigail only talked about it in passing.
I’d wondered if her lack of enthusiasm for the wedding was a result of their relationship struggling, but when Bash was here, they were inseparable. Abigail loved Bash, and Bash loved Abigail. It was just so strange that she didn’t want to have anything to do with her wedding day.
Maybe she needed a reminder.
“How are the wedding plans going?” I asked as I leaned against the nearby wall. I studied her to see if she would take the bait. “Did you and Bash set a date?”
Abigail finished snapping Samuel’s onesie before she glanced over at me. “Not yet,” she said as she shook out the overalls and unfastened one of the straps.
I frowned. “Why?” Her attention was on Samuel as she shimmied his legs into the overalls. When she didn’t answer, I leaned forward. “Abigail, why haven’t you set a date?”
She flicked her gaze over to me before she glanced back down at Samuel. “We’re not in a hurry,” she said as she sat Samuel up to fasten the overall straps.
“Not in a hurry? What are you waiting for?”
In the beginning, her relationship with Bash had been on the fast track. Now, it was as if they had stagnated, and it made me sad. All I wanted for my sister was for her to be happy.
“Everything okay?” I asked, the words coming out hushed.
Abigail glanced up at me, her eyes wide. My question wasn’t lost on her. “Oh, yes. Bash and I are fine.”
“Are you sure?” I’d already started this conversation, might as well rip the bandage all the way off. I wanted her to know that she could be honest with me no matter what.
“Sabrina.” She held my gaze. “Bash and I are fine.” She paused, dropping her gaze to the floor before she shrugged. “I just don’t really want to commit to a date right now. And with Bash being so busy, he’s okay with holding off.” Her smile returned when she glanced back up at me. “You don’t have to worry about us.”
Her words echoed in my ears. I was her big sister; it was my job to worry. Abigail had spent so much of our recent relationship worrying about me. I was ready to return the favor. I just needed her to open the door and let me in. We used to be open and honest. Now, it felt like all we did was tiptoe around each other. It was strange and I didn’t like it. I missed my sister.
“Let’s go out tonight,” I said. “We can go around the island and do some wedding planning. I know you don’t want to set a date, but maybe we can find a florist or taste some cakes so when you’re ready to commit, you already know who you want to use.”
Abigail was quiet for a moment before she glanced over at me. “Sure. That sounds nice.”
Once again, her words said one thing, but her body language and tone of voice said another. I wanted to keep pushing her. I wanted Abigail to move forward with her life so I could move forward with mine, but she was making it impossible. It was like she was a boulder, refusing to move. And I needed her to move if I was going to make any real progress.
Samuel babbled, interrupting our conversation. Abigail cooed as she picked him up. She twisted side to side as she cradled his head close to her chest. I could tell from her countenance she was done with this conversation, which meant I was done as well.
“Do you want me to take him?” I asked, stepping closer to her.
She flicked her gaze up at me. “I told you, I’ve got it. This is an important morning for you. Go. Get some coffee. I can get him to daycare on my way to the shop.”
I forced myself not to take offense and tried to let it go. I knew that she was being nice, but this wasn’t how I wanted my morning to go. I wanted it to be just Samuel and I.Iwanted to be the one who got him up.Iwanted to be the one to feed him breakfast and pick out his clothes. I’d been so distant from my son for so long, I was ready to discover who we were as mother and son.
I just didn’t know how to say that to Abigail without hurting her feelings.
