Page 18 of A Ballad of Phantoms and Hope
I open my eyes, slowly turning and finding a beautiful rose instead of my pink-haired wonder. Her cheeks are red with the cold spring morning; her eyes are brown and speckled with green, pale against the mournful pines that surround her.
My soul leans, agonizing and wishful, reaching for hers.
I realize that I’m not sad or disappointed that it’s not my kindred one. And that’s a somber thought in itself—that you indeed can move on from a love that ravished your heart to its entirety. I don’t want Wynn to be just a girl I loved once, but when I look at Ophelia, my entire being calls for her.
Familiar and coveting.
Like we’ve always been destined to meet.
Ophelia tilts her head. “Are you coming?” Her smile is loose and coy.
“Yeah, sorry about that. This place is just so—” I can’t seem to find the words to describe it. But Ophelia nods in understanding.Maybe there really aren’t any words to describe a place such as this. Even if it is just a forest.
I follow her as she leads us up the steep trail. If I were alive, I’d already be winded by our ascent. The mist grows thick around us and the moisture in the air grips my lungs.
We remain silent as we walk, taking in our surroundings and listening to the trees sway. I think about what she said, this being her hiding place. Who was she hiding from?
As the thought circulates my mind, we step over the final hill and break through the wall of mist. A chill spreads throughout my body, raising the hairs on my neck. The sky looks as though it extends forever, and the soft hues of the mid-morning colors make the clouds dance with pink, yellow, and an orange so fierce and angry one might believe the world to be ending.
We stand side by side at the lookout, fingers dangerously close to brushing against one another, as we stare out into the world that’s left us behind.
How bleak it is—yet I’m smiling.
“Why did you hide here?” I ask her finally, softly. It comes out as a mere whisper, yet it’s so quiet here above the forest and beneath the stars, that the sound of my voice is startling.
Ophelia looks at me, an ocean of misery in her eyes, and says, “Because no one would ever find me here, where the sky kisses the earth, where I was no longer an ailment to others. Here, I was the goddess of the forest—the only person to breathe the cold air and tell the trees my pain.”
I stare out where she has so many times before.
I see it now.
Why I’m drawn to her and crave to know everything inside her mind. It’s the sad smile. The almost words that are left unspoken.
“You hid here because you thought about not existing anymore.”
Her chin lifts to the faded stars still barely visible in the center of the sky, and she shuts her eyes. I turn my head and look at her. I watch her lips, pulling up into a reminiscent smile as if she is truly happy I heard her wordless confession.
“I hid here… because IknewI didn’t want to exist anymore.”
9
Lanston
Jericho looks perplexedas his eyes drift between Ophelia and me standing in the foyer with rain dripping from the ends of our hair.
On our way back down the mountain, we were caught in a light rain, but it was well worth seeing her personal hideaway. I’m already thinking about when we can return there together.
Ophelia is nervous. I can feel the energy around her shifting as her hands tightly wrap around her arms in an attempt at self-comfort. Her black dress is long-sleeved and drops just below her knees. The rim around her collarbones is a lace pattern that completes her gothic, morbid look.
It fits her so well. Death, I mean.
She wears it proudly, embracing it entirely, not afraid to talk about phantoms and her life here in the in-between. I admire that about her—I can’t seem to accept even a fraction of my reality. It’s something I reject entirely.
I don’t want to be dead. Not yet.
“I was wondering where you went,” Jericho says suggestively, and I fight the urge to bury my face into my palms. “Looks like I was worrying for nothing.” He casts me a sly smirk. My stomach twists with nerves.
I’ll kill him.
