Page 26 of A Ballad of Phantoms and Hope
Am I miserable? I have to take a moment to ponder it.
“No.” I close the distance between us with a few strides. Her jaw tightens as I stop before her, a breath away. “At least not for the last twenty-four hours.” My brows pinch together as I stare down at her.
“Can I tell you a secret?” She whispers.
“Shoot.”
“I haven’t been miserable since meeting you either.”
12
Ophelia
Lanston sitswith that statement for a few seconds. I can see the gears clicking in his head and the light flickering through him. His lovely grin kicks up on one side and makes me long to press a kiss to the edge of his lips.
A rarity. The desire to kiss a man you’ve only just met. Yet, it is the most extraordinary sentiment a person can experience. A rush. A feeling you can sense from the deepest parts of your marrow.
His eyes fall to my bare arms, the first time he’s seen past the long-sleeved dresses I’ve worn, and he finds the butterfly and moth tattoos that stretch over my forearms. A butterfly is chasing a moth on my right arm, a wisp of tattered smoke trailing between them, while a moth chases the butterfly on my left arm, the same threads of smoke tethering them to one another.
His smile brightens a fraction before he sees the scars that hide beneath them. Then I watch as his heart practically stopsand a forlorn frown pulls at his lips. Pain, and perhaps many other things, exist within him at this moment. But Lanston, being himself and ever the curious man I’ve become enthralled with, lifts his hand and brushes his thumb over the tattoos.
“Moths and butterflies, huh?” His eyes soften and he whispers, “Which of them caught who?”
“If the moth catches the butterfly, it will consume it. If the butterfly catches the moth, it will tear off its wings. Which do you think should catch the other?” I say with a maniacal grin. Lanston grimaces at my dark humor.
“Come on, what do theyreallysymbolize?” he urges me, smoothing his thumb once more over the ink and sending chills up my arm.
He’s so perceptive, unlike so many people who’d known me for so long.
I guess I can tell him.
“They are my take on yearning. You see, the moth is darkness, chasing the butterfly, craving the brightness of it. But when the moth is the one running, the butterfly, being light, chases it in return, unable to exist without the moth, because without darkness there is no light.”
Lanston smiles. “That’s lovely. And what of the things they hide?” he says more delicately, his lashes hood those beautiful eyes.
I waver. It’s not something I’ve spoken about before.
My eyes lift to his. Only kindness and understanding live there and I know I’m safe to tell him.
“They can never hide those things for long.”
Lanston leaves it at that. He can see the tears starting to brim in the corners of my eyes and doesn’t push any further. I find that I’m drawn to his patience. His understanding and care. But it makes me consider all those who weren’t kind and patient with me when I still breathed and walked with blood in my veins. Lanston makes me see things differently.
We curl up on his bed and enjoy the movie. Silent and letting the fears from the music room fade. Whatever is in there, it isn’t bad. That much was clear. If it was, it would’ve been more frightening, like Those Who Whisper. But it felt more playful than cruel.
I grab a handful of popcorn and Lanston reaches in at the same moment. Our hands brush. My gaze finds his, lying this close on the bed, our noses nearly touch. My traitorous eyes dip to his lips and lift back to his eyes.
For a delusional moment, I think he’ll kiss me.
But when he doesn’t, I force my attention back to the screen. A girl cries in the movie and runs home in the rain. I relate to her in so many ways right now.
I feel foolish for even thinking he’d be sharing the same lewd thoughts.
The movie ends with a happy ending and our popcorn bowl is empty. Lanston eyes his door like he’s thinking about getting up and moving the chair.
“Don’t even think about moving it.” I stand and lift a spare pillow off my bed and toss it at him. He catches it and laughs.
“I wouldn’t dare. I was contemplating on adding a second chair.”
