Page 11 of Leave Me Behind
Every hair on the back of my neck raises and he sees the shock roll through my expression.
How did he know my real name? Unless… no.
“You’re not in the underground… the dark forces… are you?” My voice is shaky.
His eyes widen with the mention of our secret branch and his jaw sets with animosity. Bradshaw’s muscles flex and his astonishment quickly turns into anger.
“You’re the fuckingbunnybeing assigned to our squad.”
Oh. Fuck Me.
four
. . .
Nell
Bunny.They fucking call meBunny! It better not be my code name for the squad or I swear to God I’ll… I’ll… I let out a scream into my pillow and punch the sheets.
After Bradshaw realized who I was, we stopped talking and he left abruptly.
I proceeded to my room where I am now freaking the fuck out.
“Goddammit.Goddammit!” My words fill the dark hotel room. I lie back on the bedsheets we just fucked on and spread my arms out, exhausted with the day and dreading meeting the new squad more than I already was.
I put my bulky headphones on and blare “Forget Me Too” by MGK with a scowl firmly planted on my face until I eventually pass out.
My blood is thick with anxiety as I step off the bus and onto military grounds with only my small bag of personal items glued to my side. I hold it firmly beneath my arm as a sort of security blanket.
Jenkins always told me I had small bad habits. The bag under my arm being one of them. The hope I had in my eyes being another, though I don’t have that problem anymore. That died many,manyyears ago.
This is fine.I’m fine. I take a grounding breath. I just hope that Bradshaw isn’t on my immediate squad. There are three squads in our underground branch after all: Malum, Riøt, and Hades. My squad was the only one stationed on the East Coast. Hades and Malum are both located here, as they work closer together. But based on how he reacted last night to who I was…ugh. The odds aren’t in my favor.
Worst case scenario, he’s the sergeant or something. There’s absolutely no way he’s my partner, Bones.
The dread inside me only sinks further as I step foot into the cement fortress. The buildings on this base are all a mundane gray. The lawn is cut short and neat. Men run in groups around the fenced track for their morning exercises and I can instantly feel several sets of eyes on me. Judging, I’m sure.
Time to set in the cold bitch face Jenkins taught me. He made sure I knew how to survive in this male-dominated world.“Otherwise you’d be eaten alive,”he told me. I only wish he had taught me something in case I accidentally slept with one of my squadmates unknowingly.Now that would’ve been useful.
I take a deep breath and keep my eyes straight ahead. My legs move in a steady beat, almost a march. I ignore the looksand demeaning whispers that are huffed out under disapproving breaths.
It’s difficult sometimes to remember that most of these men aren’t aware the dark forces even exist. I mean, it was only formed around twenty years ago with the rise of organized terrorism and black market dealings that the government didn’t want their name attached to. Private sectors were formed to keep everything and everyone blissfully ignorant of the darkness that truly unfolds in this world. Sometimes we do truly morally corrupt things, like taking out scientists in other countries that are working on new methods of curing diseases. But we aren’t here to question the missions, we just have to execute them. Follow orders.
I’ve come to the conclusion that we aren’t the good guys. Hence why we’re under the rug.
Getting angry will only fuel their taunts, I remind myself.Show them you’re worthy of their respect.Jenkins told me this every time he found me crying in secret during my first few years. I’d never had such tender hands wipe away my tears before. He would sit beside me and wait until I calmed, then he’d tell me to show my comrades I deserved to be here as much as they did.
It’s harder to hold onto those words as I enter the small war room with my new squad waiting for me like a den of snakes. They’re all here already. They lift their heads and give me nothing less than harrowing scowls.
There are six of them in total. I instantly recognize Eren standing at the head of the room—his expression is the only one that has a bit of pity for me, but there’s also a distinct sharpness there too.Shit, that means Bradshaw told him everything.
I sweep the room, not seeing Bradshaw’s face. I almost relax, thinking that I’ve evaded the worst possible outcome, before my eyes land on one man who’s wearing a black fabric mask over thebottom half of his face. Only his pale blue eyes, black hair, and scars are visible.
I could die right now from the anxiety coiling inside my stomach.
No one mutters a word. The room feels ten degrees warmer than I’m sure it is as I awkwardly take the only open seat. Right next to Bradshaw. I pull my arms in tight against my chest, trying to avoid touching him. I swallow the shame that burns my throat. Why couldn’t he have been someone else?Anyoneelse.
Eren moves toward the door and shuts it before addressing all of us. “Malum Squad, meet our new recruit, Private Gallows. Originally from Riøt Squad.”
