Page 16 of Leave Me Behind
six
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Nell
I wait patiently outsidethe men’s showers until my squad reappears. Bradshaw isn’t among them and they seem to catch my wandering eyes.
“Bones showers separately. None of us are allowed to know what he looks like, so if you’re going to fuck any of us, it can’t be him. Unless you’re into mask shit,” Harrison says snidely. I don’t bother responding to his goading.I am indeed into that.Pete and Ian laugh cruelly as they throw their towels at me. I step aside and let the towels fall to the floor.
I remain quiet as they lead the way to our barracks. The dorms are in their own section of the building, down a long hall with other squad rooms. Though, the underground squads are supposed to room on the lower floor. Sure, normal units see us around, but they have no clue the dark forces exist. They think we’re just special ops. We are required to room in different halls to keep the chances of discovery low, so my curiosity piques when they open one of the doors on this floor.
Our room is a small cement chamber with three twin bunk beds only a few feet from each other. A barred window sits at the far wall. It feels like a big jail cell.Great. At least we’ll be heading into the field for a while and we won’t be cooped up together like hens. I’d rather sleep in the dirt and bushes than in this tight room.
I get it, though. Tight groups make for a trusting team and efficient missions. But there is a fatal flaw to that. My eyes linger on the bed at the end, above Bradshaw’s bunk. It’s empty for a reason. They had to recruit me to replace the guy Pete mentioned and I’d bet he wasn’tjustanother squadmate. Achilles. He was probably a brother to all of these men. But he was second to Bradshaw. The two of them must’ve been close. The loss was probably a devastation to the squad, but catastrophic to him.
And they blame the Riøt Squad.
My legs don’t allow me to approach the bed. An ache resides deep inside my chest. I’m no stranger to losing a partner in this hell. Losing a fellow certified killing machine is not easy.
It hurts like a gaping wound that will not heal. No matter what you try to fill it with, it remains cancerous and starved for grief.
I think of Jenkins’s icy blond hair, the dark brown of his eyes. How I’ll never see him watching me from across a room ever again. Two years is not enough to forget him. No amount of time can erase his face from my mind.
I was his second. It should’ve been me who died, not him. I close my eyes and think of his last words.
“I love you, Gallows. Leave me behind.”
I loved him too and I let him down in the end. I want to be dead alongside him.
I fist my hands at my sides.
Pete comes up behind me and nudges my shoulder, startling me from my thoughts. “You’re at the end. Top bunk.” I nod and hesitantly walk to the back of the room. Bones isn’t back yet from wherever he showers, so I don’t waste time tossing my bag to the top bunk.
We each have a small dresser at the foot of our beds with our names labeled. I frown at my drawer. The label reads Bunny.And there are kid stickers of bunnies placed around the name.
I take another deep breath and ignore it before opening my drawer, pulling out a black uniform. We’re a dark ops team so we don’t wear the typical gear the other branches do. Ours are entirely black and matte, non-light reflective and a shade darker than any black you’ve ever seen.
We’ll be damn near invisible tonight and part of me rejoices in that thought. I haven’t been in the field for a while. I miss the hum of unknown territory and the adrenaline rush of being in action.
My pants hit the floor and the four men watch me unabashedly and with a fraction less of disdain as I get dressed. It’s nothing I’m not used to. As long as they don’t touch me, we won’t have a problem.
They talk amongst themselves like I don’t exist.
“I can’t believe General Nolan chose her for the replacement,” Ian retorts as he pulls on his field gear. Harrison nods and gives me a dirty side-glance, though his eyes linger on my breasts.
Jefferson smooths his hand over his light-brown hair and laughs. “Part of me still thinks it’s a fucking joke.”
Pete has his back to me as he mutters, “At least she’s nice to look at.” My cheeks heat with rage as the four of them lift their heads and steal another look at me.
Ian laughs and gives me a nasty smile. “Yeah, she’s got a pretty mouth, doesn’t she?” I can see the thoughts siftingthrough their heads.We’ll bully her out by making sexual comments.
Fuck you.
I force a smile that physically hurts. “You have the prettiest mouth of all, Ian. Don’t worry, your dick sucking spot on the squad is safe.” Harrison’s hand flies to his mouth to muffle his laugh-gasp. The others only give me cold stares.
Jefferson opens his big fucking mouth to say something else, but Bradshaw opens the door and everyone falls quiet. It’s good to know that he at least has respect amongst his comrades. They don’t act the same when he’s around. I force my eyes to the floor to avoid any more arguing with the men.If I want their respect, I’ll have to make Bradshaw accept me first.God, that will be easier said than done.
Bradshaw walks past me as I secure my bulletproof vest and tighten the straps. I take him in as he sits at the edge of his bed. He’s wearing the same outfits we are, except his uniform neck rises high enough to meet the end of his mask. His ebony hair is covered with his slick black helmet. A small skull is painted on the bottom side, a glossy black that shines against the matte.
