Page 27 of Leave Me Behind
Nell
Pete and Jeffersonsit defeated as they take the night watch. Eren is making them sit out there as our replacements all night for their part in the ambush. A small reprieve that I’m immensely grateful for.
“Sergeant, there’s no need to report the incident. I’m sure they were only trying to haze me as a sort of cruel introduction to the squad,” I lie, and it tastes like acid. But the revenge I have playing on repeat in my head promises a reward. Eren gives me a look that says he doesn’t buy it for one second.
We both know what Bradshaw was trying to do. What hediddo.
“Are you sure?” Eren asks anyway.
I nod and wince as Ian finishes up wrapping the medical tape around my ribs. “I was just spooked by it. I’m mentally sound and can carry out the remainder of the training, Sergeant.”
Ian lifts his head and stares uncertainly at Eren. But neither of them comment on it. Eren only nods and firms his lips.
“Okay. Well, get some sleep… Are you okay with sleeping beside Bones tonight?”
Of course I’m not. He hurt me, but he also awakened something really dark and disturbed inside of me.
I swallow the thoughts.
“You don’t need to worry about me, Sarge.”
Eren observes me for a moment and then nods before retreating to the tent. It would be a miracle if anyone gets a wink of sleep tonight. I finally have a moment to myself and take a long breath, staring down at my black tactical gloves covered in blood.Great. There’s only one spare shirt each of us were able to bring so I change out of the ruined one and slip into a fresh shirt.
My eyes drift over to Bradshaw. He’s already back at our post, lying on his side as he always is. The bushes around our sleeping bags make a perfect cave, keeping it relatively warm against the mountain’s chilly air.
Rage filters through me, growing as it sinks further into my chest. He isn’t going to be punished like the other two? Probably not, he’s Eren’sprecioustwin.
I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to hurt anyone as much as I do him.I could cut him back. He wants to scare me? I’ll make him piss his pants. I’ll make him face his own mortality.
Dark thoughts seethe in my head as I settle beside him, wincing at the pain in my side. It’s going to scar and I’ll think of his stupid, gorgeous face every time I see it. For a second, I think about him pulling up his mask and the sensation of his lips on my nipple. It sends a shudder down my spine.
Stop thinking about it.
My knees throb and remind me they’ve been unattended to. But I’m so tired, they’ll just have to wait until morning. A small whimper escapes my lips as I finally let my back hit the ground. Bradshaw tenses beside me at the sound. I don’t bother speakingto him. I’m too tired and there’s nothing I can do about it. He wants me to quit—I’ll show him that I won’t. I’ll show them all.
Silence falls around our base once more and as the threads of sleep start to take me, his low whisper stirs me awake.
“You okay?”
What the fuck. No. No, I’m not okay.
I’m anything but okay.
I don’t respond, feigning that I’m asleep. There’s no reality where I can deal with him right now. I’m so close to unsheathing my blade and burying it in his chest.
He shifts to face me. His breath is hushed, but I feel it roll over my skin like a warm mist. I open my eyes enough to see his silhouette. It’s dark and he’s watching me. The black cloth mask covers most of his face, but it can’t hide the anguish in his eyes as he studies my features.
Is this how he stares at me when I’m not looking? There’s so much pain there. More than any person should have to carry. I know that weight.
His eyes lower to my side where he let the sharpness of his blade cut my flesh. Bradshaw lifts his hand and it takes everything I have to keep myself from flinching away from him. He lowers his fingers gently to my side, coasting his fingers softly against the wound beneath the fabric.
It stings, even with the delicate touch. My brows pull together and my lips part with a sharp breath. His fingertips are hot. Heat and pain coil between my thighs. His eyes lift to my face and I open mine so he knows I’ve woken. He doesn’t pull his hand away from my side and he doesn’t look away.
Those pale eyes bore into my soul.What is he searching for?
I take a shallow breath as uncertainty races through me. I can’t get a read on him. My gaze lowers to his lips before I decide to close my eyes again.
He doesn’t move for a while after that. But instead of rolling back to his side, he lies beside me, with the weight of his hand over my ribs, the warmth from his chest seeping into me. The ebb of pain slows and the heat from his hand reminds me that Bradshaw, as cold and uncaring as he is, does indeed have a sliver of a heart.
