Page 34 of Leave Me Behind
I’m a coward.
Eren is at his side before I can say anything else. “Come on, you should lie down.” He turns Bradshaw so the others can’t see him and guides him to the tents. When I turn to look back at the rest of our squadmates, I find each of their gazes averted and sidelong. Unwilling to meet my eyes.
Bradshaw isn’t fit for the field and they’re allowing him to stay, knowing it could very well get him killed.
This might be the weakness in his armor I’ve been looking for.
The others head to their sleeping posts while Harrison and Jefferson take the first watch. Bradshaw and Eren still haven’t returned from the tent. It’s been at least an hour. I chew on my lower lip, not knowing why I give a shit about this asshole, but I decide to check on him anyway.
“Sergeant?” I stand straight, facing the tent flap and awaiting a response before I enter.
Eren’s voice is smooth and calm as he replies, “Come in, Bunny.”
I slip inside the dark green tent. My eyes take a few seconds to adjust to the dim, lantern-lit space. It’s just Eren and Bradshaw in here, a few empty cots to either side of them. I still at the sight of Bradshaw with his mask off. His face is the mirror image of Eren’s.
Something painful traces the edges of my heart looking at him in this state. I didn’t think a man as hard and cruel as him could be this broken inside. He’s never let on as much. I silently sit beside Eren on the ground and stare at Bradshaw’s lovely face. Bradshaw’s eyes lift slightly to mine and flicker with sadness.
“What’s wrong with him, Eren?” I admire Bradshaw’s empty stare as he takes me in. He’s quiet and I can’t tell if he’s studying me or looking right through me. It’s the loveliest I’ve seen him and I find myself wishing it would never end.
Eren takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, pushing his hair back and looking at me. “Honestly, I don’t know. This is the third time in two years. He vanishes for hours and comes back like this.”
“Why is he still active? He’s a liability?—”
He cuts me off. “You know what our line of work entails. No discharges. The only way you get out of the dark forces is in a body bag or earning your cards. Even if it wasn’t that way, he wants to stay.” I glower at Eren but he ignores it. “Anyway, I don’t think he’ll be fit to stay at his post tonight. I’ll take over your watch. Can you stay here with him?”
I frown. I should tell him about what Bradshaw did on the hillside, but that would make me relive the unsettling things that went through my mind as Bradshaw covered his hands in my blood.
“Yes, Sergeant.”
He gives me a cocky grin, warmth in his blue eyes. “Thanks, Bunny.” He sets his hand on my thigh before standing up. Eren zips the tent behind him and his footsteps fade.
What a fucking day.I blow out a breath before moving to grab the lantern. Bradshaw’s hand wraps around my wrist and the sudden contact startles me. I look down at him and find his brows pulled firmly together, as if he’s fighting dark thoughts. His eyes are shut, lashes kissing his dirt-stained cheeks.
I lean down, hesitant to say anything, so I brush my hand over his forehead instead to check his temperature. He catches my hand and holds it against his cheek. As I’m about to pull away, he opens his eyes slightly, only enough for me to see the icy blue gems his lashes hide.
His expression is still absent.
“Bradshaw?” I whisper, staring at his features closer than I’d like to. His eyes flutter closed but he doesn’t let go of my hand.Well, fuck.
For the first twenty minutes I admire his rugged, handsome face. The next twenty I study his scars and wonder how many more are hiding beneath his hair. I wonder if Abrahm once studied him as thoroughly as I am now and found the same lovely broken things I do.
My arms start trembling and I can’t bear to stay in this awkward position any longer.
I pull away slowly, trying to wriggle my way out of his hold without him waking. Bradshaw’s eyes open. He’s dazed still, in the land between half asleep and awake. His eyes widen and he pulls me close. His voice is raspy and sharp. “What are you doing?”
My throat knots at his accusatory tone.
“You… wouldn’t let go,” I say slowly, my voice graveled.
His shoulders tense. “Bunny?” He flinches and we both look down at his hand firmly wrapped around my wrist. Surprise dawns over his features.
Bradshaw lets go and pushes me an arm’s length away, hands planted heavily on my shoulders. We stare at each other for a moment. His eyes get their dark shine back, but he doesn’t let my shoulders go.
“Bradshaw?” I whisper. Has he lost his fucking mind? He stares at me for a long time, his arms trembling, making my heart ache for him.
I think he’s finally going to let go, but he pulls me down to lie beside him. I breathe in sharply, ready to escape, but he shushes me and guides my shoulders against his chest.
Maybe it’s because of the pure shock to my system, or perhaps I’ve been drugged, but I stay still and lie with him.
