Page 43 of Leave Me Behind
Eren’s eyes widen with horror. Bradshaw remains impassive; his cold gaze is enough to chill me to my bones. He’s far scarier when you can’t tell what’s ticking in that mind of his.
“I’ll let you think on it, Sergeant,” I say callously. If they want to play dirty, then I’ll play in the fucking mud.
I tuck my rifle under my arm before sauntering to the front of the squad. The men give me disdainful looks as I pass them. It’s fine. I’m not here to be cherished like a doll.
I’m here to find out what really happened in Patagonia two years ago. And to put a bullet in the man responsible for it. The rest is bullshit.
The consensus, apparently, is that I’m being completely shunned from here forward. The remainder of our mission is quiet and without any more ambushes. When we finally reach the extraction point, my shoulders roll back with relief.
I’m not sure if my threat worked on Eren or not. But he seems more withdrawn and angry, so at least it’s been weighing on his mind. We both know his brother will likely be thrown to the wolves for attacking a fellow squadmate. We might have different rules in the dark forces, but we hold our value. General Nolan has a soft spot for me and they all know it.
I take a deep breath as I board the helicopter and don’t bother looking at any of the cold expressions that surround me. All I want right now is a hot shower and to sleep in a fucking bed for one goddamn night. The ride back to Coronado is long and quiet; everyone but myself, Bradshaw, and Eren seem to find sleep easily.
The second our boots hit the ground, Eren orders everyone to hit the showers except me and Bradshaw. I fight the urge to roll my eyes. This really couldn’t wait until tomorrow morning? We’re all barely holding onto our sanity at this point.
Bradshaw stares at his brother with the same energy as I do.
“You two have been a huge pain in my ass… Look, Nell, the team doesn’t want you on the squad. I know that sucks, but we are looking for someone who meets the mission expectationsandcan bond with the squad. At the end of the day everyone needs to trust each other without a shadow of a doubt. I know it’s not fair to ask, but I am asking anyway.Please. Let this go. Just quit.” Eren’s voice isn’t far from pleading.
Show them. Jenkins’s low voice trails through my memory like a river over stones.Make them see you’re necessary.He taught me how to kill a man in every conceivable way. How to manipulate even the wittiest of minds.
“Fine. I’ll give up the spot. But on the condition that you can find a soldier better than me. I want to be on the mock hostile squad. If you guys can overthrow our base and take the captives, then I’ll throw in the towel,” I say confidently and lift my chin.
Eren’s brows raise with curiosity, but he looks at Bradshaw pointedly. “That’s your best option.” Eren looks tired—as if he’s been thinking about his brother’s fate and worrying every single night of his life instead of sleeping. Would I actually report Bradshaw’s actions? No. Because I’ve done far worse to people who are now in the ground and will never be found. But to keep control over them is necessary. I need to be here.
Bradshaw looks at his brother for an uncomfortable minute, then gives him one curt nod before turning and walking back to the barracks.
Eren lets out a long sigh and gives me a sideways glance. “For the record, I voted for you to stay,” he admits with an uneasy laugh.
I consider him for a moment before letting a smile spread over my lips. “Thank you, Eren.” His lazy grin sends flutters through my stomach. “I really needed to hear those words.”
He drops his hand atop my head. I look up at him and he chuckles softly. “Don’t let them win. Show them like I know you will. I knowIneed you on this next mission.” He winks at me and I let the sentiment sink into the depths where I need it.
Eren believes in me. It’s better than nothing.
“Now, go get cleaned up. I’ll meet with the general and have the backup marksman put on the squad. You’ll be assigned to the hostile force we’re invading in the next roll out.” We walk together toward the barracks as he informs me.
“Where will I stay until then?” I ask, hoping that I’ll be placed in other barracks for the two-day break until then. A weekend away, I guess, if you could consider it that.
Eren firms his lips in thought. “There’s a spare bed in my room, but I’ll have to chat with the general to see if we have other beds available. If it comes down to that, are you okay with staying with me?”
I’d rather sleep naked next to Eren than fifty feet anywhere near Bradshaw.
“Yeah, just get me away from your psycho brother,” I say vehemently. It draws a frown to Eren’s face and he stares off ahead, darkness clouding his eyes. If only he knew how thoroughly fucked I was last night by his precious brother. You wouldn’t know it by the cold shoulder I’ve received all day.
“He’s never been this?—”
“Unhinged?” I interrupt. “Cruel?”
Eren glances down at me beneath those black lashes and his frown is replaced with amusement. “Yeah. He’s never been thisinterestedwith his second.” His frown returns.
I feel bad for Eren. He carries the responsibility of not only the squad but also his brother, who’s cutting new recruits across their ribs and being unreliable.
“It’s because of Abrahm,” I state matter-of-factly.
He nods, staring at the ground as we stop outside the doors. “Yes… but you being here has made it much,muchworse.”
“I’m not trying to replace him,” I say hesitantly. “I just want to be on this mission. I’ll be sent to the Hades Squad if I don’t stay on this one. And they hate Riøt more than you guys do. The general would rather release me back into society than send me to them. And I can’t go back into society.” It sounds morbid but Eren only nods. Maybe he’s seen the same demon in his brother.
