Page 64 of Leave Me Behind
Our eyes challenge each other and the pit in my stomach gets deeper.
“Do you think it was her?” My eyes linger on the floor.
Eren is quiet.
The door creaks open and Bunny strolls in with freshly wet hair and flushed cheeks from her shower. Her eyes grow wide as she notices me sitting on her bed.
“Was just leaving,” I say callously and shoulder past her. I can’t bear to look at her. My resolve will crumble if I do.
If I have to kill her, could I do it?
I find myself asking that question over and over throughout the night and well into morning. Sleep on a night before a mission has never been a luxury for me.
But the thought pursues long into the flight. The transport aircraft is loud and we sit with our backs against the walls. The entire squad is on the other side of the plane facing us. Eren sits to my right and Bunny is on my left. Everyone is asleep except Eren and myself.
A family bloodline trait maybe—we can never seem to fucking sleep.
So instead of rest, I dwell on how I’d kill her if I had to. I watch her sleep soundly, her head hanging back against the seatbelts. Her lashes are long and dot kisses across the soft skin of her cheeks. I draw lines with my eyes over the rise and dips of the muscles in her neck. How could something so gentle and soft be as lethal as me?
My eyes shift down to her hands. They are small and scarred, but flesh colored—not a harrowing red like I’d expect to see when I look at the reaper’s hands.
I would kill her swiftly, I decide. Maybe with a neck snap. The longer I ponder it the more certain I am that I cannot do it any other way. She’s so lovely and the idea of ruining her in any capacity bothers me.
Sleep my bunny, your next breath is not promised.
twenty-five
. . .
Nell
Dark clouds shroud the sky.Not a drop of moonlight leaks through the mundane wall of gray. The aircraft hums and rattles as another round of wind berates the metal siding.
Everyone’s been silent for the majority of the nine-hour flight. Our gear has been checked twice and Eren has gone over the plan at least four more times while we sit, anxious and buzzing.
Bradshaw has a glum expression, as if he’s already mourning the loss of comrades today. But he seems to be the only one who’s deep in thought about it. Harrison has a manic smile and his knee bounces repeatedly. Jefferson and Pete look wired with adrenaline, studying their maps and cleaning their guns twice over. Ian strikes me as calm and not too concerned about anything. Air power gets to hang back with the sniper, but he doesn’t know we’ll be in the throes of things yet.
“Be ready to drop in three minutes. We’re in Labrador, soldiers,” the pilot calls out in our headgear. Eren motions his hands for us to unstrap and get ready to jump.
God, I hate this part.
We line up at the drop bay and grab hold of the handles that swing above us as the door opens. Cold, wet air rushes at us. I knew it was stormy, but I didn’t think it was a complete downpour. The scent of rain and wet soil fills the space around us with a chill. The roar of the engine drowns out all other sounds.
Shit. This much rain isn’t a good sign. Visibility will be low. But at least it might give us some cover. If what Eren said is true and we’re anticipating an ambush, we’ll need it. My shoulders tense as I pull the mask matching Bradshaw’s over my face. It’s a half skull, black-matte face shield. I take a deep breath and try not to let it bother me that one of the men standing before me is a traitor.
Bradshaw’s hand plants firmly on my shoulder and I turn slightly to look up at his hardened gaze. His mask is a mirror of mine, with dark face paint around his eyes. He doesn’t let anything show through them, but the weight of his hand conveys his wordless stare.
It’ll be okay.
“Drop, drop, drop!” Eren shouts and, like mechanisms of war, we move like death, thoughtless and only as weapons. Jefferson, Harrison, Pete, then Ian. I pull down my goggles and walk straight off the edge and hold my breath like I always do as the butterflies swarm inside my stomach. They fade quickly and I’m able to regain my focus.
We don’t fall for long before we deploy our parachutes. The rain instantly affects the descension. It’s so fucking dark out here, it’s hard to tell where the tree line starts and where thesmall clearing we’re aiming for is. We’re going in blind and trusting Jefferson to guide us down.
Rain crashes against the parachutes loudly and blurs my goggles.Fuck. Come on.I can make out the shape of trees just as a gust of wind blows. The air catches in my parachute and thrusts me back. My teeth clench as I prepare to collide into a tree or fall to my death.
“Bunny!” Bradshaw’s voice is loud and booming, competing with the storm that wails around us.
I don’t have time to say anything before branches slap against my forearms and head. I’m waiting to be impaled by a broken branch but, luckily, I continue to fall through. My body jerks up as my parachute catches on the branches above. When I open my eyes, the ground is a few inches away from my dangling body.
