Page 75 of Leave Me Behind
I stare at her. Why is she bringing that up?
Her eyes pool with tears. Guilt and sorrow twist her features. My eyes slowly widen and my chest constricts. I open my mouth and then shut it. She doesn’t know what she’s saying… because if she’s saying that?—
“It was me. I shot him.”
The blood leaves my head and all I can do is look at her.
“I was aiming for you.”
Bunny lets her shoulders fall in defeat.
Her admittance is like a shot to my nervous system. She killed him? Abrahm’s last breaths resurface in my memory, his fading light, the blood. She… took him from me.
I wrap my hands around her neck and she doesn’t fight against it. Tears fall silently down my cheeks. “What have you done?” I whisper shakily.
Her eyes are dull. “I felt nothing. I was upset that I didn’t hit you.”
My hands tighten around her flesh and my jaw trembles. Her eyes flinch at the pressure.
“Why?” I ask, and it’s so quiet and broken it makes her eyes narrow in anguish. Did Eren know that it was her?
“I was following orders,” she chokes out. Who gave her those orders?
Her body slumps and I guide her down to her knees. I can feel each strangled breath she sips as they flutter beneath my palms. My brows pinch together with despair. “Why would you tellme?”
Her eyes dim and she fucking smiles. It shatters my heart and my hands loosen, trembling. She mutters, “I didn’t know the weight of taking life. Not until Jenkins died. Not until I met you. I wanted to tell you earlier…” Her lips are dry and chapped, smeared with black paint. “I’m sorry, Bradshaw.”
My resolve breaks.
I release her and put space between us. My breathing is erratic and I feel like I’m two seconds from having a heart attack. I clench my hand over my chest. It hurts so fucking bad.
I can’t hate her.No matter how much I want to. Even for taking Abrahm…
And that tears my soul apart.
thirty
. . .
Nell
Bradshaw walks away from me.For some reason, him not finishing me off triggers something deep inside me.It shouldn’t be hard for him to finish me. Everyone would understand.
I push myself up and press my bound palms into the dirt. “Why won’t you fucking kill me?! I’ve given you every reason. I’ve taken everything from you, Bradshaw.Everything!” I scream at him, tears streaming down my face and making his form blurry.
He stops and fists his hands at his sides. “You want me to kill you? You really want me to?” His voice grows louder with each word and he turns back to look at me. His eyes are rimmed with red and his features are contorted with misery.
“Please. Please. Bradshaw. Please just make it stop,” I beg him and let my head hang. He walks back to me and falls to his knees before me. His hands fall on my shoulders and he shakes me until I look up at him.
His blue eyes pierce through me.
I expect him to yell at me, but his voice is a whisper. “Who taught you to beg for death just because you were a device?” My eyes widen and my lips part. “Nell… I know it wasn’t personal… I know you were just going through the motions.” He hiccups and reels back his emotions, tears still forming. “So why would I punish you? You’re just the weapon fired, not the evil that wields it.”
A sob bubbles up in my throat and I try to swallow it.
“I destroy everything I touch. I’m… the last Riøt soldier.” I grab the hilt of his combat knife, slide it out of the sheath, and place it in his hand. “I’m tired of being the weapon. I’m tired of killing. I want to be free. Make me a good Riøt and kill me. Then, maybe, my sins will be absolved.” I shut my weary eyes and focus on his breaths.
His knife grazes the side of my cheek and beckons me to look at him.
