Page 77 of Leave Me Behind
“It guarantees my safety.”
I scoff. “From what?”
He levels me a broken stare. “From you betraying me.”
The shock must roll through my features dramatically because he forces his eyes away. He really thinks I would? I guess our secrets catch up to us. I can’t say I’d tell him what the code was if our predicaments were reversed.
The fight goes out of me with a pained breath. “Fair enough. You think there’s a shower here?”
“There should be.” He sits on one of the cots and lets his legs slide against the tile until they’re relaxed and spread apart. “You go ahead and shower first.”
I study him as he brings his hands to his head and ruffles his hair with distress. There are a million things I wish I could say. A million and one I wish I could take back.
But I don’t say anything; I let the sorrow grow between us and head to the bathroom.
It’s surprisingly spacious, but its only contents are a toilet, sink, and a round porcelain tub. One wall is entirely made up of a mirror. The fluorescent lights make a humming sound and brighten the room to the point where I can see every red stain on my skin.
The soldier I see in the mirror looks fractured. My eyes are bloodshot and my braid is ratted with forest debris. I let my focus linger on the bruises around my throat. It's funny that the same woman in the mirror was wearing a cute yellow dress a couple weeks ago. Did Eren feel bad about recruiting me? Why would he befriend me if this is how he was intending to throw me away?
I start to strip slowly. My body aches and each movement requires a tremendous amount of energy. It takes me a few minutes to get completely naked. Once I am, I hesitantly look back at my body. There are more bruises than there aren’t. More skin that’s scabbed, scarred, or bruised than not. I take myself in and wonder why I don’t feel anything when I see the broken person staring back.
Nothing can be done about the past.
I scrub the blood and dirt from my skin and hair like I can absolve my sins this way. Like I can wash Abrahm from my hands. I have to drain the water for a second bath before I can soak, but as I do, I go over Bradshaw’s story repeatedly. Eren knew who I was on the plane—is that why he took my window seat? Forcing conversation… but he was always so kind to me.I let him touch me.
A chill sets in my bones at the thought of him knowing what my fate held this entire time. How conniving he was.
I drain the water and dry my hair, deciding to leave my gear off and wash it after Bradshaw cleans up. There is a stack of white folded shirts in the corner shelf next to a single wardrobe that’s much too tidy for my liking, as if someone frequents thisplace. We’ll have to leave here once we rest up. I’d hate to be in the bunker with only one exit if someone returns.
The shirt falls down to my ass and I change out to a dry pair of socks. I expect to find Bradshaw still sitting on the cots when I finally emerge from the bathroom, but he’s not there anymore. My heart rate spikes and I make for the ladder.
He wouldn’t lock me in here. He wouldn’t.
But as I look up at the metal door with a red light staring back at me, my hope fizzles out.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
I whirl, eyes finding him at the opposite end of the room, opening some canned food from the cabinets. My breath comes back to me and I try to slow it to steady my pulse.
“I thought you… left me down here.” My voice is shaky. He narrows his eyes at me before waving me over.
He already has a few cans opened and hands me one with preserved apples inside. The scent reaches me first: cinnamon and tart. My stomach growls and my mouth waters. It’s easy to forget your hunger when you’re on a mission. I take it and the plastic fork he hands me, looking between him and the food before reluctantly biting into the soft apples and closing my eyes with the flavor.
“Can we call a truce now?” he asks haphazardly as he starts shoveling apples into his mouth too.
I swallow and laugh. “You think a can of apples can fix what we’ve done to each other?”
He continues eating as he considers me. “Why not?” His eyes are red and drift hesitantly down my body. “Jesus, Bun, you’re all banged up.” I grab the end of the white shirt and try pulling it over more of my bruised thighs.
“I’m fine.”
“You call this fine?” He sets down his can and reaches for one of my legs.
I swat his hand away. “Yes.”
Bradshaw raises a brow but drops it as he grabs my leg and slides me closer to him until I’m practically in his lap. “How was the shower?” he mutters mindlessly as he runs his fingertips over my skin, sending heat to my core.
“It’s only a bathtub, no shower head.” I set my can down and prop my arms up behind me. I don’t know why I’m letting him touch me like this, but it’s the only thing that doesn’t make me feel absolutely nothing, so I accept the comfort for what it is.
