Page 91 of Leave Me Behind
“Ah—I almost forgot you were here. Well, enough reconnecting. We should probably get back to business, huh?” Jenkins shoves his hands into his pockets as if he’s notthreatened by us at all. He walks to check on Eren. He kneels beside him and observes silently.
Bradshaw’s veins protrude through his neck as he watches helplessly. Three guards are on him and they aren’t weakened by injuries like he is.
“Greg was supposed to kill Eren. I guess he wanted to toy with you two first before finishing the job.” Hetsksand stands, pulling out his handgun and pointing it at Eren’s head.
“No!” Bradshaw screams and thrashes. Two more soldiers rush to help keep him contained. Jenkins smiles widely.
There’s the sadistic asshole I remember.
He loves watching other people’s pain more than anything. Suffering is his favorite part of living. Looking at him now, I can’t remember why I cherished him so much. Maybe it’s because of Bradshaw… because I bonded with a new squad and felt what affection could be with someone else like me.
“Jenkins, stop!” I cry out and run to him. He raises a curious brow before narrowing his eyes at me.
“Since when did you get soft, Gallows? Don’t you remember how many people you slaughtered when they begged for their lives? When their comrades begged? You killed them right in front of their brothers without so much as a glance at their pain. Don’t pretend you’re capable of caring for this piece of trash.”
Jenkins’s gentle demeanor vanishes and his voice turns cruel.
“Do you know what these dickheads have done? This is a really straightforward operation I run. We have a pecking order and things get done. We get paid an ungodly amount of money. Then do whatever the fuck we want. Well, we used to do all that back in the States. But guess who ruined that for me? For all of us?Eren Bright.He wanted a bigger slice of the pie, selfish motherfucker. He wanted the world for him and his brother and he wasn’t willing to get it on his own. Why do so when I alreadyhad it? Eren tried to kill me after a private meeting. It was dirty. It was unforgivable, but I still needed him. So I ordered his brother to be picked off. An eye for an eye.” Jenkins looks at Bradshaw, frozen and breathing heavily beneath five men.
Killing the squad was just a diversion so that the general wouldn’t go looking for Jenkins. We really did mean nothing to him. My fists clench.
Jenkins brushes his thumb over my cheek. “I got you out, but he brought you back here, knowing that I wanted to protect you from this. He fucking brought you back to hell. He wanted to use you as a body shield for his stupid brother. Eren was counting on me not noticing that something I care about was on the field, and for what? For killing that nobody soldier two years ago?”
Bradshaw lets another shout roll from his throat, which comes out guttural and hate-filled. My chest aches for him.
“Why did you makemedo it?” I ask in a hushed voice.
Jenkins studies me for a few moments before pulling his gun away from Eren’s temple. He looks up at the glass ceiling and takes a moment before speaking.
“I liked that your hands were as dirty as mine. And you didn’t care. You never did. As long as I kept you by my side, you didn’t care about anything.”
My chest constricts and I look at Jenkins with horror. He knows exactly what I’m thinking. “All those ‘traitors’ that I killed, were any of them actually guilty?” Anxiety moves into my stomach, prickling my blood.
“Some. I had you eliminate many loose ends, Gallows. Many were only guilty of being in my way. My own personal little reaper. To my surprise, you were the only one I couldn’t pull the trigger on. You were so much like me. And you were such a pretty little thing. You still are.” He lets his eyes fall down my body and sadness fills his eyes.
“You made me kill innocent people.” I almost choke on the words. “How many?” The panic in my voice raises the hairs on the back of my neck. The rest of my body is taking longer to process what he just said, but my knees go first, bringing me to the floor and making me feel helpless.
“More than we could count, remember?” He smiles hopelessly at me. My shoulders drop and I start dry heaving.
I’m the Reaper. I don’t deserve to live, not after what I’ve done. My throat swells and tears fall to the floor. If there’s one thing I can do, perhaps I can save Bradshaw and Eren. I look at them both and try memorizing every last detail.
I don’t think Bradshaw will leave unless I break his heart. Unless I make Jenkins see the misery he’ll leave with.
“Let them leave, Jenkins. I want to stay with you… I’ll kill them myself if they come back.I’lldo it.” My voice is hard and I force the feeling parts of me back into the depths. I tremble as I stand to meet my prior sergeant’s eyes. I ignore the confusion and hurt that threads through Bradshaw’s features.
His shoulders are shaking. “No, Bun.”
Jenkins knits his brows at the nickname, then considers me. “We should just kill them?—”
“I want them to live and to know that we are out here in the dark together. That if they dare cross a line again, we’ll be the end of them.” My gaze is hostile on Bradshaw and I limp to be in Jenkins’s arms. Jenkins hesitates before opening his arms and holding me. I take a deep breath at the warmth that instantly falls over me.
He flashes me a wicked grin. “How could I refuse such a sweet request from my darling? Should we properly break his heart before we send him off? I know he thinks he loves you, but he doesn’t know the real you. The monster that I know.” Jenkins circles me, wrapping his hand around my stomach and kissing my neck. Bradshaw’s eyes widen.
But all I can think of are the words:He loves you.
I want to tell Bradshaw that this is the only way. He doesn’t know Jenkins like I do. He’ll kill them both without a care unless I offer suffering. It’s what gets him off. Jenkins likes when I make people hurt on his behalf.
“Hold him up so he can watch.” Jenkins kisses my cheek and warmth plumes where he touches me. I hate him for what he’s done. I hate him for what he is. Most of all, I hate him for making me a monster too. Hate and love dance a wicked line. Deep down, I know I will always love Jenkins.
