Page 45 of Once Upon a Demon's Heart
Tessa sets her hand on my shoulder, offering me a brief look of sympathy before ordering the rest of the fleet to follow behind her. I’m grateful for the moment alone with my thoughts.
Heavy are the memories of the ones we leave behind. I cannot rid myself of the guilt for not being here in time.
Hooves and boots beat down against the cobblestones until there’s only silence behind me, but I know Nikolai is lingering nearby. My oldest friend. I was shocked when he volunteered tojoin my army as Mav’s apprentice. He’s never been one for the battlefield.
I let out a long sigh. “I was going to move her into my palace the week after the attack.” My fingers glide nostalgically down the door frame where my mother marked my height over the years. Thornhall will always be my home.
Nikolai grunts. “We should’ve moved the villagers all out when the war line neared the border. But none of us could have predicted this would happen, Kalel. Not you, nor the king.” He steps up beside me and leans against the old red bricks.
“You’re wrong, Nik. I should have seen through King Borlin’s tricks. I was the one who accepted his peace agreement.” My jaw flexes, and I have to tamp down the urge to punch a wall.
Nikolai gives me a consoling look. “Is that why you agreed to marry the demigod? As punishment unto yourself? You know, she has a good heart. I’ve used my sight on her a few times already, and she’s clear. No motives other than to survive.”
I give him a weary look.Of course, she only wants to survive.
He runs his hand through his hair. “She’s messing with evenmymind. She’s not like the other half-gods I’ve interrogated. Alira’s guilt is eating her alive. It’s so strong that I have remnants attaching to me.” Nikolai clutches his hand over his chest and gives me a pitiful expression. “You know, I actually think she might even like you?—”
“Stop,” I snap. A long silence stretches between us. Nikolai shifts on his boots and shakes his head.
I set my gaze on the ground. A sense of shame always lingers with me after I ask Nikolai to use his sight into others’ heads. I know it’s a strenuous gift to use—even if he can’t read direct thoughts, he gets an overall picture of one’s predicament and what their intentions are.
It’s a gift that can harm his own mind if he isn’t careful, but these are trying times. We cannot afford another slip-up like Thornhall.
“You think I’m marrying her as punishment to myself?” I whisper, and the word brings me a bit of solace. I scoff. “Yes, you could consider it a self-imposed punishment, but it is also a message to all demigods. They cherish the daughters of Venus more than any others. And now she belongs to me.” I meet Nikolai’s gaze. He doesn’t look completely onboard with my plan still. He’s had reservations on it since we received that letter with King Borlin’s offer to save his kingdom. But now, after he’s met her, I can see it in his eyes that he’s already growing fond of her. It makes my chest twist with an ugly emotion.I hate the way he looks at her.
Nikolai chuckles uneasily. “Alright, but could you be more gentle with her? No more wrist biting, you know how painful it is.” His tone hardens, and he gives me a rigid look.
I’m not in the mood for him telling me what to do. I lift a brow and glower. “What? Don’t tell me you care about her.”
Nikolai’s expression gives nothing away. “I’m not saying I care, but she’s not the monster you’re making her out to be.” He fidgets uncomfortably. His eyes trail up the hill our army is marching up, and his gaze softens the moment they land on her. Onmylittle godling.
I face him, fisting the cowl of his cloak and shoving him up against the wall. “Her beauty clouds your judgement, my friend. I still plan on spilling her blood on this land as penance to the dead, or have you forgotten whatshehas done? What that… monster has taken from us.” I press him against the wall once more before exhaling an irritated breath and stalking away.
Everything is on fire inside my chest. My mind is fuzzy with rage and vengeance.
“Will it make you feel better?” Nikolai murmurs. I stop, fisting my hands and casting him a glare over my shoulder. His expression is filled with only misery, long sleepless nights that perhaps neither of us will ever escape. “Will it bring anyone back?”
I force my head back forward and march ahead, leaving his words and wisdom to fall behind me. I can’t let anything take this moment from me.Nothing.
Tessa holds the attention of our army as they wait up along the slope. Alira sits on my horse at Tessa’s side, staring off, down at the village that she helped destroy.
Forgive me, Mom. I know you didn’t want me to become this man.I send her a prayer and hope somewhere, somehow, she can hear me.
Chapter Seventeen
ALIRA
This once enchantingvalley has turned a muddled gray. It’s as if the very life has been syphoned from the soil. Upon first glance, one would think it’s only a sleeping village, but I can recall the bloodshed as if it were yesterday.
I watch as Kalel and Nikolai stride to the top of the hill where we await them. My eyes follow Kalel. Hurt has been threading through my chest since last night, seeing his past self collapse in that field disturbed some old trauma in my heart. He was deeply wounded, emotionally and physically. Those are the moments that shape us the most, aren’t they? The pain. Suffering. You can’t truly relate to something unless you experience it for yourself.
Tessa hasn’t spoken much since we arrived. Everyone has a dark air about them here, but there’s a grim expression she keeps giving me that makes me worried. Not to mention the way the troops are stationed, waiting below like they are expecting a sacrifice.
I firm my trembling hands beneath my cloak.Kalel won’t kill me,I tell myself, shaking Mercury’s warning from my thoughts.
“Dismount your horse, little godling,” Kalel growls as he approaches. The clouds are heavy behind him. Dark and promising a freezing rain.
Kalel’s been in a particularly bad mood since last night. Whatever happened to him in that vision haunts him more than he’s willing to admit. And passing through Thornhall today seems to have only made it worse.
