Page 29 of A Bond of Ice and Glass
I look at his hair. I swear it’s a shade darker, and he stands a bit straighter now too, with a presence he’s never had before. It’s surprising, and the brother I knew is gone now. I have to accept that and stop seeing the weak, pale boy in my mind. Even my men are answering to him now.
They never took him seriously before.
His gloves make a noise as he clenches his hand, and I’m tempted to rip them off. He never takes them off anymore, and I’m growing suspicious.
What’s my brother trying to hide?
He wears leather all the way up to his neck, covering every inch of his body, and a heavy cloak covering the rest of him. Whereas it might be an unusual fashion choice, it seems intentional. I think I know why, but the truth of it lingers in the back of my throat. Because if it’s true, and he’s really crossed that line, then I don’t know how any of us are going to come back from that.
I watch as Loch’s eyes slowly find mine, which are definitely a shade darker, none of the light that mimicked my mother’s eyes. I hardly see her in him right now, and I hate it. Loch is the closest living thing I have left of my mother. He’s my only flesh and blood. I wonder if he knows that I suspect something’s amiss with him or if he thinks I’m an idiot that never reads any of the books that are littered in the library below that warn about two sides of magic. Two sides of the ether they use.
“We need to talk,” I tell him.
Loch adjusts his gloves, his eyes lowered to them. “What’s wrong?” he asks, voice calm, bored even.
“Alone,” I command him.
I nod my head down the corridor for him to follow, and walk away before he can make up an excuse to avoid me. He has been doing that far too much recently, and he needs to remember that this is my home. I’m the ruler and not him. We go to my room in silence, only our boots hitting the stone, and several servants drop their gaze the moment they see Loch behind me. They all hate him. Or they fear him. I’m not sure which is worse. I go and stand by the window, crossing my arms and watch him come in.
“Shut my door, Loch.”
He does, the slam echoing in the silent living room.
This room was our mother’s before I took it as mine, and it still has her things lying about. The red couch with white flowers printed up the sides, the wooden carved dragons and horses thatline the stone fireplace, and my favourite thing she ever made—the glass statue of the witch goddess by the drink cabinet. If Loch knows they were our mother’s, he doesn’t show it by looking at them. Instead, he pours himself a drink of very expensive whiskey and quietly sips on it as he waits for me.
Part of me hoped he would apologise for what he did yesterday, that he would come to me first and tell me he went too far. We have all done that once or twice, gone too far when the pressure of the situation is burning down our throats. I’ve made so many mistakes, but I always admit when I’ve fucked up. It’s the right thing to do. I’ve never heard Loch apologise for anything he’s done.
Yet… as his brother, I still hoped.
I make sure he is looking into my eyes before I begin.
“You weren’t supposed to kill the prisoners. That wasn’t part of the plan. What the fuck happened yesterday? We needed information!” I blow out an angry breath. “We need to know exactly what Erax is doing and what his plans are to get Mae back, to fight the rebellions we have funded in the cities. I spent years building those rebellions and making sure Erax never got to them. That army is my making, and now they are threatened because of our lack of information. Do you know how many people died to get us those soldiers? They were royal fucking soldiers! By killing them, you’re… Well, we’ll have to find others, and I bet Erax wouldn’t let the same thing happen again. There’s no point in what you did yesterday other than to show off to Mae and be cruel.”
Loch shrugs his shoulders like it’s nothing. He shrugs a fucking shoulder at me. There is no empathy in his eyes, no regret, just nothing but a cold smugness that chills me to the bone. I clench my hands to keep from punching him.
“You know what you did crossed a line.”
It definitely crossed a fucking line.
I’m all for brutality. I’m all for using my dragon to win, to battle, to do everything that we need to ensure victory, but yesterday, that was different, almost evil. I know how to get any reaction from him. One name. One girl that seems to be tearing this world apart.
“Mae saw it all. Including your magic. She looked scared of you, Loch. Was that what you wanted?”
He pours himself another drink and downs it once before slamming the glass on the cabinet.
“My relationship withLenais none of your concern. She wasn’t scared of me, she was scared of how much she loved seeing that side of me. I watched her with that bastard king… she likes men that scare her. She likes it hard and brutal.”
No, no, she doesn’t. Erax is many things, but he never hurt her. I saw enough to know that wasn’t why they fell in love. Love doesn’t exist in abuse. It’s the opposite of it.
“When you told me that you were using spells to control Mae, to make sure that she doesn’t remember, what kind of spells are they?”
This makes him really look at me, and he stares. I don’t lower my challenging gaze, either. That makes him lose the casual, smug grin that seems to be layered on his face. He doesn’t answer me, though.
“Loch, you’re a guest in my home, you realise that? Everyone else told me not to bring you back. You’re bastard-born and you cause nothing but trouble… but I convinced everyone that you could be trusted. That you’re my family and blood means something in this world. Many people loved our mother, and they accepted you here because of her. What we are doing here is for the ones we have lost?—”
“I don’t remember our mother, and from what I’ve heard, she was too soft for the war.”
So cold, so callous. About our own fucking mother!
