Page 26 of Generally Hospitable
“What exactly does sucked into the abyss of the Netherworld mean?” Tiny asked, perplexed.
I clapped him on the back. “Good story for another time,” I told him, turning my attention back to the spies I adored. “How many does that leave him with?”
Moon answered. “That Chub Chub is one dumb asshole,” she said with a chuckle. “Can’t believe he used eight hundred on the outside.”
“It’s a given that Chub’s mental prowess isn’t great. He’s as stupid as they come, but let’s stay on topic,” I said, getting impatient. Now that I had the pieces, I wanted to put them together as quickly as possible. “How many more soldiers does he have inside?”
“Fifty-seven,” Stella confirmed. “Chub Chub’s stupid ass originally had eight hundred and sixty-nine soldiers. He chose that number because of the sexual connotation of sixty-nine, further proving the Demon is a pig. If you do the math, he’s left with fifty-seven smelly flaming assholes.”
“Odds are in our favor,” Moon said, giving everyone a thumbs up and a hip thrust. “They have fifty-seven plus one brainless leader, and we have over four thousand. Slam dunk!”
“Not so fast,” I told her. “While part of the plan is ending the lives of all who worship him, the main goal is getting Pandora safely out. And of course, destroying Chub Chub Wang is also at the top of the list, but Pandora’s rescue has to come first.”
Tiny couldn’t look at me with his next question. “Do you think she’s still alive since the Higher Power has nothing to lose and wants both of you dead?” His voice was low and hoarse. He simultaneously wanted my answer and didn’t at the same time.
I didn’t want to tell him that Chub Chub Wang might succeed in ending Pandora before the Higher Power did. But the faster we went in the faster we could get to her.
“Here’s my truthful answer, Tiny. She’s still alive. We have a connection and I would know…” I told him, placing my hand on his huge shoulder. “But she asked me to give you a message—Pandora told me to tell you if she didn’t make it out that she was sorry that she wouldn’t get to go on a sushi date with you. Shewanted you to know it was the only thing in this world she was looking forward to.”
Tiny’s tears fell freely. He didn’t try to hide them and he felt no shame. Corny, Irma, Moon, Stella and Jonny wrapped the huge man named Tiny in a group hug. “Then we need to make sure we get to her before it’s too late and then she’s gonna get her sushi date,” he grunted out, his voice thick with emotion.
“That plan works for me,” I told the big man.
Abaddon took my hand and gave it a squeeze. Tiny hadn’t known Pandora long, but the Demon had fallen hard. I would be in pieces if I lost Abaddon.
“Okay, my friends, it’s time to go,” I said softly. “Any more questions?”
Tiny wiped away his tears and stepped forward. “I would like your permission to be the one to destroy Chub Chub Wang. If Pandora is still alive when we find him, it will be my gift to her. If she has perished, it will be my revenge for her.” The Demon bowed low and waited for my answer.
“Are you willing to shit down his throat before you end him?” I questioned.
My small posse of trusted Demons looked at me like I’d finally gone and lost it. Even Abaddon gave me a strange look. The truth was that I probably had lost it, but not on the shit down the throat part. That was payback, and I wanted it.
“I am willing to do that,” Tiny assured me. “Am I to gather that there’s a reason for this rather unusual request?”
“Yep. Chub Chub threatened repeatedly to shit down my throat before he decapitated me.”
“Hang on,” Abaddon said, furious. “Tiny, you can take the first dump, but I will take the second.”
“Works for me,” Tiny said, shaking Abaddon’s hand.
Note to self. Do not watch my lover take a shit down Chub Chub’s throat. While the sentiment is lovely, the visual wouldbe too much to take. Decades of therapy and all the brain bleach in the world wouldn’t be able to wipe that one from my frontal lobe.
“Moving on. Here’s the plan,” I said, scanning the area around the castle. “And keep in mind, plans can change on a dime. I’ll reach out to you via mind speak when necessary. Tiny, Moon and Abaddon will be with me. I’ll take a hundred of our soldiers with me. Irma, Jonny, Stella and Corny, you will divide up the rest of the army equally and storm the castle from all sides on my command. I’ll order the castle to open all doors and create more so we can enter and exit with ease. I’ll also command that every single door and hidden room in the castle is open and available.”
“You can do that?” Tiny asked.
“Dude, she fucking opened the floor and sucked the flaming assholes into the abyss of the Netherworld,” Stella reminded him. “Opening doors will be a piece of cake!”
“Roger that—all of it, Bitch Goddess Cecily,” Corny said with a salute. “Shall we gather our regiments?”
“Yes. Go now and be ready,” I instructed.
Tiny had quickly hand-picked the hundred who stayed with us. They were ready.
“Moon,” I said as we prepared to sprint to the castle. “Once inside, we’ll separate. You’ll take the hundred warriors with you and then use your Pied Piper hum to draw the bad guys to you. When they get there, do your thing.”
She tilted her head. “You mean hump furniture?”
