Page 42 of Shadow & Stars
“Useless!” Ismael cried, the laughter coming at me harder.
The raging part of me wanted to lose myself in flying fists and kicks, to try anything to land just one blow. But there wasn’t any point in that. The other, more rational part of me got my feet moving.
Because what else was there to do?
I walked through the monarchs and their demon minions, feeling nothing as I passed through their flesh.
I battered myself with more words.
Nothing feels nothing.
I’m nothing.
Hopeless and done.
Hopeless and pathetic.
An oxygen thief, a piece of?—
Hold on. One more card remained up my sleeve. I turned, halfway inside some demon’s body, my focus snaring on the time jar. I might not be able to interact with anything else, but what about that? The rules were wonky, confusing, so maybe I could touch it.
Fuck it. I gave it a shot, rushing Butterfly. He jumped back, his shocked expression giving me a spike of joyful respite from the gloom. I loved seeing that panic.
“Roman!” he bellowed.
That time jarwasthe key. Somehow, I had to crack it and devour the stormy insides. It was my glimmer of hope, a bright spark to keep me going.
I won’t let either of you stay dead…I thought at the bodies close to my feet.
Unfortunately, my hand passed through the jar when I rushed Butterfly again. Once again, I felt nothing, not so much as a hum.
The demons laughed even harder than before.
“Pathetic!” Ismael roared.
Yeah. He didn’t need to rub it in.
“Give up, Roman,” Butterfly said. “At least you get to live for the time being.”
Did he really just say that to me?
“Fuck you!” I snapped, stopping myself from ranting about this being his fault. Again. He didn’t give a shit, having flip-flopped between regret and kissing Ismael’s arse.
Fuck him. Fuck them. Fuck being a ghost. As hard as this defeat crushed my soul, I wouldn’t give up. Somehow, I’d get my hands on that time jar. Maybe not today, tomorrow, this week, or even this month. But I would.
I promise…
Falling into a black hole of sorrow did nothing for Darcy and Xavier. It did nothing for the future. Giving up was too easy. I didn’t do easy. I liked to fight, I liked a challenge. I mean, I didn’t become king of theSunday Timescrossword for nothing.
And I loved. I wasn’t pure death, I possessed more layers than that. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t hurt so much. I wouldn’t mourn my grandma every day, I wouldn’t have taken Darcy into my home or fallen in love with Xavier.
Yeah. It was love. Everything about him set my pulse on fire. I wanted to make sure he knew that again and again and again. I would confess my love, do more than give us the boyfriend tag. He had to know. He had to see. And when I fixed this, I’d tell him every day how much he’d saved my life in more ways than one. How much he made me see the brightest of stars.
Darcy was the same, in a friendship way. He was also my everything. I loved him just as hard.
I’m getting you back…
The heavy boot of determination pushed my grief face-down in the mud. Awesome. It meant I wasn’t done yet. Not so empty, not so useless.
